What's Your Biggest Fear?

I know… I know! I apologise in advance…you can probably guess from the title that I'm not going to continue with my 'adventures' in this post … its just that this topic was a matter still fresh in my head, so I decided to write but I promise…. you readers have my word…. I am going to make sure my next post is about what I got up to in those 'exciting' weeks.

So anyway… what’s your biggest fear?

I asked a few friends of mine… just to get a varied answer of what people’s biggest fears were and even though I was looking for some sort of variation…. I actually got similarities.

Death... waking up to realise you’ve married the wrong person... failure, and so on and so forth. They basically fell into these categories: marriage, death, failure and regret. Asking people these questions made me realise that even though some of us have that ‘don’t care attitude’… we actually do care, 'cos if we didn't care, (personally I think) we wouldn't necessarily have a biggest fear (if you catch my drift).

My biggest fear…. I have loads…. Regretting important choices I’ve made concerning my career, my spouse… death…. Not making it into heaven (I don’t dwell on that one too much), I believe I’m going to heaven…. My last one is watching my younger siblings grow up and seeing them amount to nothing. Not that I concentrate on that but I don’t think I’d be strong enough to handle negative criticism from other members of the family (on behalf of my siblings) if you know what I mean.

I know you’re probably thinking where did that come from… but don’t you ever spend days thinking about different issues… wondering 'what if' or 'why' certain things happen. I actually have many days of ‘thinking’ and it bothers me that I think so much but hey… that’s another side of me. I’m a thinker… every situation I’m in or have been in… believe it or not… I’ve thought about it, maybe a bit too much, but I’ve thought about it. What I realised about being a ‘thinker’ is that you tend to plan things to the smallest detail and sometimes, just sometimes your plan doesn’t go to plan. Then what?

Then readers, you become an analyst, analysing every single thing, why it went wrong and what could happen if you got another chance. KMT. If only I could change this nature in myself… I seriously would. There are times when I want to live each day like it’s my last but to be honest that doesn’t happen and there’s me…. still being the ‘thinker’.
There are days when I have the ‘don’t care attitude’ but then it doesn’t last for too long… because as I said before, having that attitude actually means you do care.

Then I thought for a while and actually realised what my biggest fear was. I mean all the fears I listed are big... trust me. But if you couldn't establish (couldn't isolate) what you're biggest fear was, it's probably because you've deceived yourself into thinking you don't have one. And I'll be real honest with you... I know exactly what my biggest fear is and as lame as it may be... i think it's the root of most issues I come across.

My fear : disappointment.

I met him several times when I was younger... plenty more times as I grew older and frankly having to meet dissapointment again in the near future... puts me in some kind of fear. Some kind of apprehension that as time goes by... he gets uglier and uglier.

- Gabrielle