BruthaDiva Sessions...

We've all been there. You're out, and you see somebody who catches your eye for whatever reason. Maybe its their eyes. Or maybe it's their hair. Or maybe they just have that "thing" that Lauryn Hill was talking about that.

Whatever it is, you become helpless to your impulses and your forced to just go over and speak. Everything is going well. Your "hello" was well received and a purposeful conversation was begun.

And then...

...that idiot says the dumbest thing you've ever heard in your life. Yes, in just a few short minutes, it is possible to meet somebody who goes from being hot to trot, to well...not.
Im sure its happening right now as you read this.

And yes, it can happen to you. So being the fly butha i am, I feel the best way to prevent this problem is to offer a few situations that can make you less than hot to the opposite sex in 10 minutes or less.


1. Come off like you are a egotistical little shit.

Have you ever meet somebody and they made it seem like you were lucky to even get the opportunity to do so? (I know alot of you are nodding your heads). I know a woman who assumes that anytime a man speaks to her, he is trying to spit lyrics. ANYTIME. What I find funny about it is that she's not attractive...in the first place. So she will blast nearly any man who even offers her so much as a compliment and assume that he is just spitting more lyrics than Twista.

Word to the wise, self-esteem is really important. What's also important is realizing that if you have an 8 body and a 5 face, you are a 6.


2. Have breath that is Hotter than a summer in West Africa

Yes, halitosis is a real thing. I'm not even sure there needs to be an explanation here. Let's just say, if nobody wants to talk to you and you look like Halle Berry, either you have a sign on your forehad that says "SARS lives here" or you're breath is beyond reproach.


3. Just being plain...dumb.

I don't know about you, but I HATE dumb chicks. With the passion of Mel Gibson. I know some people who like dumb chicks because they are easy but that to me its the ultimate turnoff. If I see a fine woman who gets so excited because she just discovered that there are pens that if you push the button, the ball point comes out...well, she will become very unattractive quickly to me. Dumb girls cannot be fine. It is mentally impossible for me to find dumb women attractive. I would assume that women would feel the same about men.

4. The Standards

What are the standards? You know, blatant things like picking your nose, farting, or any of the other bodily functions one should reserve for private time. I know a chick who will burp, and then tell you about it. Needless to say, not very attractive.

5. Being clumsy

You know, nothing is worse than being the embodiment of this statement: oh, he's fine, but...
Or. Bruv, she's fine but...

Anytime you have a but... attached, you just aren't ranking high enough. And just being really clumsy from jump will do it unfortunately. If you spill my drink on me I'm going to not only wonder how in the hell you made that happen seeing as it was my drink, but i'm gonna be pissed. It's hard to see attractiveness when pissedness (i know its not a real word) comes into force.

Unless you're just that fine where it doesn't matter. Which is possible. Trust me.

6. Wear more makeup than that clown from the simpsons.

Maybe this is just a personal thing. I don't mind makeup. But I do mind additional faces created by too much makeup. And maybe I couldn't tell that from afar. Upon closer inspection, you can become very unattractive if I'm not sure if your face really belongs to you or not. Nothing is scarier than possibly waking up next to a Gremlin.

7. Have the ugliest walk known to man.

This an entire other post, but an ugly walk, will totally fuck up your attractiveness. If you walk like you never quite learned how to do it, well, you're gonna be busted. Like I said, that's another post.

These are but a few ways to become unfly in 10 minutes or less. Don't let it be you.

Unless of course you're already busted in which case, it doesn't matter and you can proceed as normal.

- BruthaDiva