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Even though my name is 'crush hoe', I've only REALLY liked a few guys in my lifetime. SCOUT'S HONOUR! (even though I was never a scout).

So now - this guy I'm talking to, rightly named 'my first love' is my mind's focus at this moment in time. I can't believe that I still like him after so long, I mean I had a little crush on him when I was younger but as I said 'it was a crush', I would've expected to get over it by now - but I still like him.

The story is that I hadn't seen him in YEARS but it was only recently that we got back in contact with each other. So we talked on the phone for a few months and arranged a few dates but every single one fell through, (both our faults really). Now, I'm supposed to meet him and all I can say is 'WHATEVER'

I KNOW!!! After all that and I don't even care anymore, I really can't be bothered. It kinda gets to me that I'm not excited but then again I think I have reason not to be. Failed dates, when we talk there isn't much conversation, the fact that I still haven't seen him, I don't think you can blame me for not being excited. And despite all that I've said, I know exactly why I don't want to be excited - I might meet him and find out that I actually don't like him. That would crush me, it really would. Imagine me, liking him all this time, secretly hoping that he might be the ONE, only to find out that 'WE' could never happen. It would crush me.... and my mum. LOL. My mum absolutely adores him, come to think of it - so does my DAD. But I won't know anything 'til the end of this week - and I'm apprehensive. Apprehensive because next week could be the start of a new sector in my life. I might no longer be a 'crush hoe' - Gabrielle might actually settle down.

'YEAH RIGHT', I hear you say, but it could happen. NEVER SAY NEVER.

Oh yeah - what do I wear? I want to look nice but don't want to come off as desperate. Oh my!! Gabrielle actually cares what people think this time ( I must really like him). I want him to at least see an improvement in me since the last time he saw me - party dress and hairband to match. MEMORIES!!!

- Gabrielle

P.P.S my laptops gone until after exams so I might not be posting until I get some other computer access so if I don't write for a while, you know why!! KISSES x x x