Random Thoughts again...

There's a work christmas party coming up that I really want to go to but have nothing to wear. Friends are saying that they know I have something in the cupboard... but I really don't. It pisses me off that they're telling me to come and wear anything, when I know as soon as I walk in there I'm going to feel like the tramp of the ball. Do you think they give out awards for that, being tramp of the ball. They wouldnt need to anyway, I'd probably be able to tell by the way their eyes look upon my skinny jeans, ballet pumps and dressy top. KMT! You know thats what one girl said I should wear, as if STUPID is written on my forehead. I can just picture it now, everyone's scrubbed up good, the men in their suits and ties, the women in ballgowns and flowing dresses, then Gabrielle with her skinny jeans, ballet pumps and dressy top. I know my fashion sense is a bit quirky but even I wouldnt be able to pull that off.

UPDATE - I wore an LBD (little black dress), peer pressure is a bitch! I wore a dress, please take into consideration, I really really really don't like wearing dresses or skirts. No explanation for it, I just don't. So imagine my DISGUST when I walk into the xmas party (which is supposed to be a black tie event) and I see people wearing skinny jeans, trainers, baggy jeans, timberlands... oh I could go on. The first and last time I put myself out, don't ever compromise! I should've known that was going to happen, ah well, just a very big lesson for me.


I went on a little break last week, just to get away and get all my thoughts together. A much needed break because I thought I would have a nervous breakdown otherwise. So, I went on ths break, thinking I could clear my head and when I would come back everything would be ok. WRONG AGAIN. I hadn't thought about him in days, weeks even and there I was in a different part of the world and he appears in my dream. I couldn't sleep for hours, I seriously thought it was getting better, I thought I had conquered my feelings, but its true what they say, you can't tell your heart what to do, it follows its own beat. But you can imagine how PISSED I was, I mean, COME ON, get a grip. HE DOESNT LIKE YOU, HE'S GETTING ON WITH HIS LIFE, NOW CAN YOU PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... GET ON WITH YOURS.


I went to a friends 21st birthday party the other day. OMG!! Can you say FLOP!! I felt so sorry for her because it was evident she had spent A LOT of money, lets just say maximum capacity was 600, why did max.70 people come. I even think I'm exaggerating the number a bit, picture that scene in your head, NOW... picture my face when I walked in. Best believe I wasnt happy. I left my warm house, braved the cold cold wind, made my feet suffer, 'cos they were cold... got in the venue and no-one was there. NOT IMPRESSED. I think what made it even worse was the fact that some NIGERIAN guy tried to dance with me, and dont get me wrong I have nothing against NIGERIANS... that's my heritage but I MEAN give me a break, he looked like someone my dad could know, actually scratch that he looks like someone my uncle would hang out with, (my uncle - my mums younger brother, not SO YOUNG though), he has a child of his own and is approaching mid 30's, now mid 30's is still by far quite young but in comparison to me, YUCK... makes me cringe, shudder, throw up... every single time I think about it.


Have you got someone at work, that is THIS CLOSE, to getting beaten up, shouted at or something. Well, there's this girl I work with, who I thought was cool but just isnt AT ALL. We knew each other before work, but you know when you can tell if someone likes you or not. Well, the 1st time I met this girl I could tell she didnt like me, I have this sense about things like that and I'm never wrong. And anyway, whats not to like about me, I guess she's just another hater. So anyway, it's like I forgot that this girl didn't like me and it's like I had amnesia about all the sly comments she used to make, we used to have a laugh at work and everything, I seriously forgot that this girl didn't like me, then the other day out of nowhere she tried to say 'I THINK I'M ALL THAT COS I WENT ON MY LITTLE TRIP, AND HOW I'VE CHANGED SINCE I CAME BACK'...baring that I went on my trip for 4 nights and 5 days, how much can you change in that period of time! Now I dont know about you, but she caught me straight off guard. I was ready to drop kick her arse, do the PEOPLE'S ELBOW, CHOKE HOLD or something (yes I do watch WWF, WWE whatever and I know they advise you not to try anything at home), but I was at work, and she got me that mad... you know when you get THAT MAD... that your whole body is confused, your thinking ten million things at once of how to hurt that person.... well that was me. I was so PISSED, it didn't even hurt my feelings, it hurt my soul, sad thing is I was ready to tell her about herself the next time I saw her at work but she's going away for christmas... I won't see her til the new year and I'm a Christian, I can't go into the new year holding a grudge, so I've had to forget about it. Very hard to do... 'cos even writing this now brings back some anger... its just all about deep breaths and repeating that 'SHE'S A HATER', cos if I dont do that, best believe there will be drama when I go back to work.

UPDATE - I've calmed down a lot since then, it's history to me now. Gabrielle has better things to worry about, not that there's something thats worrying me, but I'm just saying. There are other things I could spend my time fussing about... clothes, food, wondering how I'm going to lug my big suitcase back home, oh yes...my bank account, which is looking beautiful right now. NO LONGER BROKE! THANK YOU GOD!!

I'm going to be by myself for a few days next week, the roommates are all going back home but as my workplace requires my presence a few days longer, I have to stay before I can go home for Christmas. OH HOME... you take it for granted when you're there, but when you leave and don't go back for months on end as I have done, you miss it like... you miss it like... the way I miss ONE on ONE, or like the way I miss my beautiful room, the way I miss my secondary school and college days. Basically I miss it A LOT... and can't wait to go back.


I want to go away again, far away, the other side of the ocean. Am I selfish for not being content with where I live? Or is it just being greedy? I dont know. What I do know is that there's so many things to see in this world, and many of us are content with living in the same place, doing the same mundane routines, I can't do it. I get bored easily, its like Im itching to see new things, how the other side of the world operates. J'adore ma vie, ma famille et mes copains mais je n'aime pas le memes routines dans la vie, il y a beaucoup des choses dans la monde. Par l'annee prochaine, je veux voyager aux pays differents et peut-etre commence une nouvelle vie la-bas.


- Gabrielle