Feminism

It's been a while, I know, but I've been trying to understand my way of thought, I've been trying to delve into my past. My attitude towards men is like no other I've come across and the more and more I have those 'girly talks' with my compadres, the more I realise there's something wrong.

Yes, every girl has their 'I HATE GUYS' moment, its only natural, its only expected, those moments are needed, they teach us ways in which to interact with the opposite sex in the future. But as those 'moments' last just a week for some ladies, a few months for others, my moment has lasted for what seems like forever. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not tired of being independent, I actually love it, I'm doing things for myself that others have needed help for, I'm setting myself up for plush living in the future, I've got it all planned out.

Saying that, despite my future plans and despite the fact that to some other females I actually know what I want to do in life, (well, other than breed little rascals) I feel like I should be apologetic for my thoughts and my ways. I see the way my aunts look at me when they ask me about my boyfriend and I tell them 'who needs one... not me' lool, and the way my friends look at me when I say 'I want a seperate bed to my husband' lool... but that's just my way of thinking. When I say to my aunts I don't need a boyfriend, I'm being honest, I really don't need one, 'need' is such a strong word (adjective, noun, whatever it is) no one should ever need a partner, you may want one but you should never need one. What could a boyfriend do for me at this point in time but distract me from my desired goal and make me become dependant on him, oh ok, he could provide me with pleasure that lasts a WHOLE ONE MINUTE and for that I should be ever grateful... because that ONE MINUTE explains why I should need a man. I dont think so! I just feel like having a boyfriend would destroy my purpose, thats all, and for that I'm being called a feminist. Because I suggested separate beds for my husband and I, I'm called weird, lol, ok maybe it is a bit weird but I have my reasons... I like my space and I love my sleep, I dont want HIM all up in my face when I'm trying to sleep, neither do I want HIM taking the covers when room temp. is below normal, thats just my way of thinking. Sue me!

I don't know how long my chain of thought has been like this but it comes so naturally to me that I shudder to imagine how young I was when someone betrayed me, for something to create such an impact on my life that has lasted for a few yrs, it must've been something big. I mean everyone goes through their fair share of heartbreak but why did I take it so hard? I'm not the only one that has loved someone and they didn't love back, neither am I the only one that has been dumped (oh yeh I know, Gabrielle being dumped, lets not go there... it was the days when Gabrielle was still naive as hell... the innocent days), I know I'm not the only one that those things have happened to, so why are my thoughts today still a reflection of those things.

I have no love for man, this I realised recently, your physique I'm attracted to, your thoughts amuse me, your actions inspire me, all this yet I still don't have love for man. It scares me a little because if I carry on like this I wont have the opportunity to call someone 'my better half' or be able to love like never before, do you think I'll be bitter as a result? I know I'd be far less than happy. Maybe one day I'll look back and laugh at what my friends think is ignorance but as for now, Im not going to deny my new found label. Yes, I am a feminist, I do feel like I can do everything for myself and no, I'm not going to burn my bra because thats just stupid. One thing I will do... appreciate my thoughts because thats what makes me different.

Why try so hard to fit in when GOD made us this way so we could stand out?

- Gabrielle