Honestly Speaking....

It’s a shame that we can’t be who we really are – all the time. Everyone wears a mask or a disguise of some kind, you almost have to. At work, you act a certain way, respond a certain way, talk a certain way; you have to project a work image – even if it’s totally not you. It’s all part of the job, no matter what you do for a living. Outside of work, when you’re with friends (for those who have friends), or when you’re just in a public place with other people, you act a different way. You’re a little more your real self, but you still have to wear a disguise.

There are rules. There are things you can’t say, shouldn’t say, shouldn’t do – no matter how right it feels. Feelings, feelings complicate everything. Most of the time you can get by, no matter what life decides to throw at you, but then those annoying feelings come marching in. They always arrive when you’re at your weakest or when you’re most distracted. It’s like they are always lurking, just waiting for a break in your defenses. There are good and bad feelings.
You would think that good feelings are always a good thing and bad feelings always bad, but this is not the case – especially when you’re feelings involve other people, and they almost always do.

There are times when good emotions have to be kept a secret because some people won’t understand and they will feel threatened and use your them against you. This is when good feelings can actually make you feel bad – because you can’t act on them or tell anyone about them. How many secrets can you keep before you go completely mad? In this world that's full of secrets how do people ever survive? How can we be prepared for anything when everything has to be such a secret? When you can’t admit your true feelings, are you lying? How can we be truthful about anything if we continue to lie about almost everything? Who is it we’re lying to – ourselves? If you truly dislike someone, but you’re nice to them and talk to them and maybe even do things with them, are lying to them? Your actions clearly say one thing, but on the inside, in that dark little place that only you know about, the truth lives.

Let’s say the opposite is true. You find yourself very attracted to someone, yet you distance yourself and maybe even avoid this person because showing any signs of affection toward this person is inappropriate for whatever reason. Yet if you disliked this person, it would be fine to have lunch, go for a walk in the park, engage in lengthy conversation – because – it’s all an act. You have no feelings for this person. It’s the guy down the street you really want to be with. All lies. If there is any hope in surviving in a world full of lies, we must tell the obvious truth, at least to certain people. The truth is that we don't have time to tell lies. We don't have time to stand still and weave these elaborate webs of deceit. We only have time to believe what is true. Believe that we will be okay. Believe that we will make it. To do otherwise is to live a constant lie and why even bother? What kind of life can be lived when you constantly have to watch your step, consider every word you say, control or deny your feelings so that no one will ever get a glimpse of what’s behind the mask.

How do you ever really know what’s true? How can you tell if someone really likes or dislikes you? How do you determine if someone feels the same way about you as you do about them when you can’t even tell that person how you really feel? In any relationship there are risks. If you do too much, you can scare the other person away. Do too little and they’ll think you’re not interested and go looking elsewhere. At what point do I remove the disguise, dig up your secret and tell someone your hearts desires? At what point can we all stop living a lie?

P.S. To the daily readers if this blog: excuse my randomness.....i just needed to vent!
To u kno who: You needed to read this!!

- SistaLova