Untitled.. Part I

Tumbling into bed and making passionate love, I felt as hot and sultry as the air around us. "you're gorgeous", Kevin panted. "So are you", I moaned. Wasn't this the perfect ending to the perfect holiday? Because I was a 19 year old student from North London, and i'd met Kevin on a two and half month holiday while visting my aunt on the beautiful, sunkissed island of Trinidad.
Kevin was 30 and although there was a substantial age difference it was never an issue. He worked in a bank and was planning on emigrating to London himself soon. We met on the beach, spending most of our time swimming or with him showing me the hottest nightclubs in town.
Four days before I was due to fly home, we were at Kevins two bedroom apartment. What started out as a simple meal ended with us sharing our first steamy night together...after that moment of passion I sat up from Kevin and began to cry. Confusion whirled inside me like a tornado, picking emotions and putting them in places they didnt belong.
what was i doing??...what about Maxwell??...I'm engaged!

Maxwell was the same age as me. He was sweet, funny and charming you know, the guy you want to take home to meet mum. Well, he was waiting for me back at our home in London. We were together for two years and our wedding was only seven months away. I told Kevin that I had someone back home. But he did'nt care and just told me that I was the only one for him and only he could truly sweep me off my feet, and in the time we were together he really did.
But even so, I dried my eyes and put my clothes back on in the knowledge that Maxwell was the one I was going to marry. So there was no guilt. I'd go back home, pretend this naughty "little blip" had never happened.

When I got back home it was clear Max had missed me as he tried to tempt to bed, I hesitated..."whats wrong?" he asked. "I'm tired," I lied. Truth was I just could'nt shake the thoughts of Kevin and that night. But I really wanted to forget him and move on with my future husband, so I threw myself into creating the perfect wedding. Four weeks on, i was driving when my phone rang....Kevin. "Im moving to London in three months, can we meet?" I dont think I even let him finish asking me before I said yes. Suddenly I wanted him more than ever, I wanted him so badly it scared me. I knew that I should'nt, mustn't....we'll just be friends, I convinced myself.
So when we met, that desire sprang back to life. "You look great" he smiled, his feelings hadn't changed either. I tried to maintain some distance, making smalll talk about Kevins shared flat and my wedding plans. Yet as I went to go back to Max, Kevin pleaded for us to meet again. "OK", I mummbled...what can I say, I was weak...a coward even, too cowardly to say NO or tell Max I was having doubts about getting hitched. I continued to secretly meet Kevin and our sexually charged conversations led to us picking up from that night in Trinidad. As cruel as it sounds when I was with Kevin any thoughts of Max simply disappeared in the shadows.

- SistaLova