It's been a while, I know, but I've been trying to understand my way of thought, I've been trying to delve into my past. My attitude towards men is like no other I've come across and the more and more I have those 'girly talks' with my compadres, the more I realise there's something wrong.
Yes, every girl has their 'I HATE GUYS' moment, its only natural, its only expected, those moments are needed, they teach us ways in which to interact with the opposite sex in the future. But as those 'moments' last just a week for some ladies, a few months for others, my moment has lasted for what seems like forever. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not tired of being independent, I actually love it, I'm doing things for myself that others have needed help for, I'm setting myself up for plush living in the future, I've got it all planned out.
Saying that, despite my future plans and despite the fact that to some other females I actually know what I want to do in life, (well, other than breed little rascals) I feel like I should be apologetic for my thoughts and my ways. I see the way my aunts look at me when they ask me about my boyfriend and I tell them 'who needs one... not me' lool, and the way my friends look at me when I say 'I want a seperate bed to my husband' lool... but that's just my way of thinking. When I say to my aunts I don't need a boyfriend, I'm being honest, I really don't need one, 'need' is such a strong word (adjective, noun, whatever it is) no one should ever need a partner, you may want one but you should never need one. What could a boyfriend do for me at this point in time but distract me from my desired goal and make me become dependant on him, oh ok, he could provide me with pleasure that lasts a WHOLE ONE MINUTE and for that I should be ever grateful... because that ONE MINUTE explains why I should need a man. I dont think so! I just feel like having a boyfriend would destroy my purpose, thats all, and for that I'm being called a feminist. Because I suggested separate beds for my husband and I, I'm called weird, lol, ok maybe it is a bit weird but I have my reasons... I like my space and I love my sleep, I dont want HIM all up in my face when I'm trying to sleep, neither do I want HIM taking the covers when room temp. is below normal, thats just my way of thinking. Sue me!
I don't know how long my chain of thought has been like this but it comes so naturally to me that I shudder to imagine how young I was when someone betrayed me, for something to create such an impact on my life that has lasted for a few yrs, it must've been something big. I mean everyone goes through their fair share of heartbreak but why did I take it so hard? I'm not the only one that has loved someone and they didn't love back, neither am I the only one that has been dumped (oh yeh I know, Gabrielle being dumped, lets not go there... it was the days when Gabrielle was still naive as hell... the innocent days), I know I'm not the only one that those things have happened to, so why are my thoughts today still a reflection of those things.
I have no love for man, this I realised recently, your physique I'm attracted to, your thoughts amuse me, your actions inspire me, all this yet I still don't have love for man. It scares me a little because if I carry on like this I wont have the opportunity to call someone 'my better half' or be able to love like never before, do you think I'll be bitter as a result? I know I'd be far less than happy. Maybe one day I'll look back and laugh at what my friends think is ignorance but as for now, Im not going to deny my new found label. Yes, I am a feminist, I do feel like I can do everything for myself and no, I'm not going to burn my bra because thats just stupid. One thing I will do... appreciate my thoughts because thats what makes me different.
Why try so hard to fit in when GOD made us this way so we could stand out?
- Gabrielle
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Career over Children
Hey readers! New year, new start! Welcome back! This Christmas/New Year period has taken us divas away for a while, apologies. It had been so long since the last post that I thought it was about time something was written. I was unsure of what to write about as it is just the beginning of the year and nothing has happened, I was urged by a friend to talk about a topic that is starting to plague the minds of many ladies… especially me. So, I thought, why not talk about whether a woman can have a successful career and be able to look after her children at the same time. Here goes.
Basically, I think that women should go for gold, follow your dreams, try and be what you want to be - well, at least try and get your foot in the door. Why? Because I can guarantee you, I can place bets on this if I wanted to (I don’t gamble but I just needed to emphasise how strongly I feel about this), I can assure you that once a child comes into your life those dreams you once had are put on hold. Yes, you can go back to work after but it won’t ever be the same. If your choice of career is competitive, no company will wait for your return, yes, your job position will still be there, but keep in mind that during the time that you weren’t at work – you would’ve been replaced. Someone else would’ve shown hunger, dedication, commitment, someone else would’ve chosen their career over your choice of children. Someone else would’ve shown your company where their priority lies. Harsh, not really! It’s the real world, there are people that exist that know they definitely do not want children. And so in that same breath, the person that has ‘replaced’ you diminishes the demand for you to return and you go back to work thinking everything’s the same but its not. How do I know? My mum lives to tell the tale, scouted to be the next Naomi Campbell but was pregnant with me at the time, refused to work whilst pregnant and so gave up the opportunity of a lifetime. If I were her I would’ve jumped at the chance to be a model, pregnant or not. I mean who knows what my life would’ve been like now. I might have been one of those kids on MTV’s Super Sweet Sixteen. Oh! One can dream! On a more serious note, opportunities like that don’t come knocking every day, modelling is an extreme example, but being able to become something that you’ve dreamt of ever since you were in primary/secondary school, then having to put that dream on hold. I personally can’t do it. I’m not saying that it won’t happen, what I am saying is that I would prefer for it not to occur that way.
I have a simple plan. I would rather work my way to the top and find a comfortable position before I have kids. I would like to be established, find a permanent position in the firm of my choice, live in a comfortable home, drive a beautiful car, basically, achieve everything that I have dreamt of (before the husband and kids come into the scene anyway). Easier said than done. That goal could take me many years to achieve and then what, I become an old mother. NOPE! Not going to happen. Saying that, some women have regretted leaving children to the last minute, some even regretting choosing their career over the joy of having a child. Personally, I can’t imagine starting a career that I have studied and worked hard for only to fall pregnant and have my career put on hold. That phase scares me ‘put on hold’, I see too many women who put their dreams ‘on hold’, women who today are still convinced they can go back to their career when in fact they know they will never return, or women that honestly believe they can go back to work when the truth is, they cleared out your desk the moment you left them and haven’t looked back since. I guess it all depends on the type of person you are and what you feel you are capable of. I’m not doubting the fact that I wouldn’t be able to raise children, I’ve been around children my whole life, so I know its possible. I just think its an added obstacle that I wouldn't need. People might think that there is nothing wrong with that but as I said, it all depends on you as a person.
I think the only way I could have a child whilst I was working would be if my husband was a stay at home dad. I don't even want to delve in too deep about that subject but if you find a loving, caring and understanding partner who doesn't mind staying at home and looking after the kids whilst you're at work. Well, by all means go ahead. If the issue of you, as a woman, being the breadwinner is no issue in your house, then continue to work and provide for the household. Can women have a career and bring children up at the same time? It's possible, but prepare to go through the most demanding and stressful time of your life. This beats preparing a wedding, meeting the in-laws, buying or moving into a house by far. GOD SPEED! Whoever can handle that challenge, I applaud you because just thinking about it is enough to get me stressed.
- Gabrielle
Basically, I think that women should go for gold, follow your dreams, try and be what you want to be - well, at least try and get your foot in the door. Why? Because I can guarantee you, I can place bets on this if I wanted to (I don’t gamble but I just needed to emphasise how strongly I feel about this), I can assure you that once a child comes into your life those dreams you once had are put on hold. Yes, you can go back to work after but it won’t ever be the same. If your choice of career is competitive, no company will wait for your return, yes, your job position will still be there, but keep in mind that during the time that you weren’t at work – you would’ve been replaced. Someone else would’ve shown hunger, dedication, commitment, someone else would’ve chosen their career over your choice of children. Someone else would’ve shown your company where their priority lies. Harsh, not really! It’s the real world, there are people that exist that know they definitely do not want children. And so in that same breath, the person that has ‘replaced’ you diminishes the demand for you to return and you go back to work thinking everything’s the same but its not. How do I know? My mum lives to tell the tale, scouted to be the next Naomi Campbell but was pregnant with me at the time, refused to work whilst pregnant and so gave up the opportunity of a lifetime. If I were her I would’ve jumped at the chance to be a model, pregnant or not. I mean who knows what my life would’ve been like now. I might have been one of those kids on MTV’s Super Sweet Sixteen. Oh! One can dream! On a more serious note, opportunities like that don’t come knocking every day, modelling is an extreme example, but being able to become something that you’ve dreamt of ever since you were in primary/secondary school, then having to put that dream on hold. I personally can’t do it. I’m not saying that it won’t happen, what I am saying is that I would prefer for it not to occur that way.
I have a simple plan. I would rather work my way to the top and find a comfortable position before I have kids. I would like to be established, find a permanent position in the firm of my choice, live in a comfortable home, drive a beautiful car, basically, achieve everything that I have dreamt of (before the husband and kids come into the scene anyway). Easier said than done. That goal could take me many years to achieve and then what, I become an old mother. NOPE! Not going to happen. Saying that, some women have regretted leaving children to the last minute, some even regretting choosing their career over the joy of having a child. Personally, I can’t imagine starting a career that I have studied and worked hard for only to fall pregnant and have my career put on hold. That phase scares me ‘put on hold’, I see too many women who put their dreams ‘on hold’, women who today are still convinced they can go back to their career when in fact they know they will never return, or women that honestly believe they can go back to work when the truth is, they cleared out your desk the moment you left them and haven’t looked back since. I guess it all depends on the type of person you are and what you feel you are capable of. I’m not doubting the fact that I wouldn’t be able to raise children, I’ve been around children my whole life, so I know its possible. I just think its an added obstacle that I wouldn't need. People might think that there is nothing wrong with that but as I said, it all depends on you as a person.
I think the only way I could have a child whilst I was working would be if my husband was a stay at home dad. I don't even want to delve in too deep about that subject but if you find a loving, caring and understanding partner who doesn't mind staying at home and looking after the kids whilst you're at work. Well, by all means go ahead. If the issue of you, as a woman, being the breadwinner is no issue in your house, then continue to work and provide for the household. Can women have a career and bring children up at the same time? It's possible, but prepare to go through the most demanding and stressful time of your life. This beats preparing a wedding, meeting the in-laws, buying or moving into a house by far. GOD SPEED! Whoever can handle that challenge, I applaud you because just thinking about it is enough to get me stressed.
- Gabrielle
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