There's a work christmas party coming up that I really want to go to but have nothing to wear. Friends are saying that they know I have something in the cupboard... but I really don't. It pisses me off that they're telling me to come and wear anything, when I know as soon as I walk in there I'm going to feel like the tramp of the ball. Do you think they give out awards for that, being tramp of the ball. They wouldnt need to anyway, I'd probably be able to tell by the way their eyes look upon my skinny jeans, ballet pumps and dressy top. KMT! You know thats what one girl said I should wear, as if STUPID is written on my forehead. I can just picture it now, everyone's scrubbed up good, the men in their suits and ties, the women in ballgowns and flowing dresses, then Gabrielle with her skinny jeans, ballet pumps and dressy top. I know my fashion sense is a bit quirky but even I wouldnt be able to pull that off.
UPDATE - I wore an LBD (little black dress), peer pressure is a bitch! I wore a dress, please take into consideration, I really really really don't like wearing dresses or skirts. No explanation for it, I just don't. So imagine my DISGUST when I walk into the xmas party (which is supposed to be a black tie event) and I see people wearing skinny jeans, trainers, baggy jeans, timberlands... oh I could go on. The first and last time I put myself out, don't ever compromise! I should've known that was going to happen, ah well, just a very big lesson for me.
I went on a little break last week, just to get away and get all my thoughts together. A much needed break because I thought I would have a nervous breakdown otherwise. So, I went on ths break, thinking I could clear my head and when I would come back everything would be ok. WRONG AGAIN. I hadn't thought about him in days, weeks even and there I was in a different part of the world and he appears in my dream. I couldn't sleep for hours, I seriously thought it was getting better, I thought I had conquered my feelings, but its true what they say, you can't tell your heart what to do, it follows its own beat. But you can imagine how PISSED I was, I mean, COME ON, get a grip. HE DOESNT LIKE YOU, HE'S GETTING ON WITH HIS LIFE, NOW CAN YOU PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... GET ON WITH YOURS.
I went to a friends 21st birthday party the other day. OMG!! Can you say FLOP!! I felt so sorry for her because it was evident she had spent A LOT of money, lets just say maximum capacity was 600, why did max.70 people come. I even think I'm exaggerating the number a bit, picture that scene in your head, NOW... picture my face when I walked in. Best believe I wasnt happy. I left my warm house, braved the cold cold wind, made my feet suffer, 'cos they were cold... got in the venue and no-one was there. NOT IMPRESSED. I think what made it even worse was the fact that some NIGERIAN guy tried to dance with me, and dont get me wrong I have nothing against NIGERIANS... that's my heritage but I MEAN give me a break, he looked like someone my dad could know, actually scratch that he looks like someone my uncle would hang out with, (my uncle - my mums younger brother, not SO YOUNG though), he has a child of his own and is approaching mid 30's, now mid 30's is still by far quite young but in comparison to me, YUCK... makes me cringe, shudder, throw up... every single time I think about it.
Have you got someone at work, that is THIS CLOSE, to getting beaten up, shouted at or something. Well, there's this girl I work with, who I thought was cool but just isnt AT ALL. We knew each other before work, but you know when you can tell if someone likes you or not. Well, the 1st time I met this girl I could tell she didnt like me, I have this sense about things like that and I'm never wrong. And anyway, whats not to like about me, I guess she's just another hater. So anyway, it's like I forgot that this girl didn't like me and it's like I had amnesia about all the sly comments she used to make, we used to have a laugh at work and everything, I seriously forgot that this girl didn't like me, then the other day out of nowhere she tried to say 'I THINK I'M ALL THAT COS I WENT ON MY LITTLE TRIP, AND HOW I'VE CHANGED SINCE I CAME BACK'...baring that I went on my trip for 4 nights and 5 days, how much can you change in that period of time! Now I dont know about you, but she caught me straight off guard. I was ready to drop kick her arse, do the PEOPLE'S ELBOW, CHOKE HOLD or something (yes I do watch WWF, WWE whatever and I know they advise you not to try anything at home), but I was at work, and she got me that mad... you know when you get THAT MAD... that your whole body is confused, your thinking ten million things at once of how to hurt that person.... well that was me. I was so PISSED, it didn't even hurt my feelings, it hurt my soul, sad thing is I was ready to tell her about herself the next time I saw her at work but she's going away for christmas... I won't see her til the new year and I'm a Christian, I can't go into the new year holding a grudge, so I've had to forget about it. Very hard to do... 'cos even writing this now brings back some anger... its just all about deep breaths and repeating that 'SHE'S A HATER', cos if I dont do that, best believe there will be drama when I go back to work.
UPDATE - I've calmed down a lot since then, it's history to me now. Gabrielle has better things to worry about, not that there's something thats worrying me, but I'm just saying. There are other things I could spend my time fussing about... clothes, food, wondering how I'm going to lug my big suitcase back home, oh yes...my bank account, which is looking beautiful right now. NO LONGER BROKE! THANK YOU GOD!!
I'm going to be by myself for a few days next week, the roommates are all going back home but as my workplace requires my presence a few days longer, I have to stay before I can go home for Christmas. OH HOME... you take it for granted when you're there, but when you leave and don't go back for months on end as I have done, you miss it like... you miss it like... the way I miss ONE on ONE, or like the way I miss my beautiful room, the way I miss my secondary school and college days. Basically I miss it A LOT... and can't wait to go back.
I want to go away again, far away, the other side of the ocean. Am I selfish for not being content with where I live? Or is it just being greedy? I dont know. What I do know is that there's so many things to see in this world, and many of us are content with living in the same place, doing the same mundane routines, I can't do it. I get bored easily, its like Im itching to see new things, how the other side of the world operates. J'adore ma vie, ma famille et mes copains mais je n'aime pas le memes routines dans la vie, il y a beaucoup des choses dans la monde. Par l'annee prochaine, je veux voyager aux pays differents et peut-etre commence une nouvelle vie la-bas.
- Gabrielle
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Happy Birthday To...Us!!
Hey people! Its been year since a truly fabolous, fly and very attractive group of people came to together to create "truths from da AfroDivas"!...(o.k I may of gone overboard, but we are fly!)
The aim was to give ourselves an outlet for all the crazy things that happen daily in our lives...I think I can speak for the AfroDivas when I say its been a very fun and interesting journey. We've laughed at ourselves, created a bit of controversy and revealed a few personal truths. Its been a great tool for me to express myself and regain my passion for writing.
I know i've said this before but sometimes I really cant believe anybody, apart from us, actually reads the stuff we post on here. But since we started 4,979 have passed through. Some of you even leaving comments (although a little more of those would'nt hurt! lol), but thanks it is appreciated. Hopefully we will have a few more stories to tell and experiences to laugh at!
Peace
- SistaLova
The aim was to give ourselves an outlet for all the crazy things that happen daily in our lives...I think I can speak for the AfroDivas when I say its been a very fun and interesting journey. We've laughed at ourselves, created a bit of controversy and revealed a few personal truths. Its been a great tool for me to express myself and regain my passion for writing.
I know i've said this before but sometimes I really cant believe anybody, apart from us, actually reads the stuff we post on here. But since we started 4,979 have passed through. Some of you even leaving comments (although a little more of those would'nt hurt! lol), but thanks it is appreciated. Hopefully we will have a few more stories to tell and experiences to laugh at!
Peace
- SistaLova
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Another BruthaDiva session...
Don’t say ‘I love you’ first.
This kind of advice does nothing to help women. Although I had a friend once who told a guy that she loved him and his response was ‘thanks.’ Hearing "thanks" in response to "I love you" is NOT the end of the world. As adults, we need to understand that sometimes we have feelings for people that aren’t mutual and vice versa (dont get me wrong I would be a bit pissed too, lol).
If you tell someone that you love them, it should be because you actually feel that way, not because you expect them to feel the same way or to hear it in return. You definitely shouldn’t settle for a one-sided relationship, but if it’s sort of early into your relationship, give the person time. That’s where common sense comes in. "Love" is an action word so you will know if the man is falling for you (or if he isn’t interested) based on how he treats you.
Ladies,I wouldn’t suggest being aggressive but I hear some guys like that so to each his own! But holding back just because you fear rejection isn’t helpful either.
Myth 1: Men don’t know how to behave in a relationship. It is up to a woman to be patient and "teach" him how to treat her.
This theory only works in TV Land people. I know that we’ve all heard that you subconsciously teach someone how to treat you by what you accept (and don’t) from your boy/girlfriend. And I totally agree. However, a man knows whether or not he’s in a committed relationship.
- He will stop ‘getting jiggy’ with his ex
- He will call if he’s going to cancel a date
- Spending time with him and his friends does not = quality time for the two of you
- Collecting phone numbers & going on dates with other women is a no go area
And ladies don't be stupid and provide excuses like..."but this is his first serious relationship and he’s learning...blah blah blah"
Some dudes will try and play dumb but trust, he’s just trying to see what you’ll allow him to get away with.
Myth 2: Things may be a little rocky in the beginning, but things will change.
Not gonna happen. If you've just started seeing each other and he’s always "busy", giving you excuses as to why he can’t return your calls, or why he didnt make it to that meeting then two years from now things will be the same. If you continue to ignore the little things that irritate you at the beginning you cant really complain or try to change him later. Either accept it or find someone else who has time for you.
Myth 3: A man can completely fool you if you’re a victim.
How many women do you know that are or always completely blinded by men? Women are always talking about being used or cheated on by their men but there are always signs of "doginess"(is that a word??..lol) but its up to you if you chose to ignore them. For example if you've never seen where he lives and you've been together for 8 months...this is a clear red warning! lol
This doesn’t give your boyfriend the excuse to be a complete prick, neither does it mean you should be critical of everyone you meet. Its simple, common sense should be our guide.
Myth 4: A man should accept you for who you are.
Not necessarily. Are you the best you that you can be? Are you difficult? What is your character? How do you treat people in your life? In most circumstances you should be accepted for who you are, but not if you’re crazy. We can always better ourselves and sometimes it takes someone we love to do that.
Now I know a few people are going to have a problem with what I've said in todays session. So leave a comment and i'll tell you why your wrong...lol!
Peace
- BruthaDiva
This kind of advice does nothing to help women. Although I had a friend once who told a guy that she loved him and his response was ‘thanks.’ Hearing "thanks" in response to "I love you" is NOT the end of the world. As adults, we need to understand that sometimes we have feelings for people that aren’t mutual and vice versa (dont get me wrong I would be a bit pissed too, lol).
If you tell someone that you love them, it should be because you actually feel that way, not because you expect them to feel the same way or to hear it in return. You definitely shouldn’t settle for a one-sided relationship, but if it’s sort of early into your relationship, give the person time. That’s where common sense comes in. "Love" is an action word so you will know if the man is falling for you (or if he isn’t interested) based on how he treats you.
Ladies,I wouldn’t suggest being aggressive but I hear some guys like that so to each his own! But holding back just because you fear rejection isn’t helpful either.
Myth 1: Men don’t know how to behave in a relationship. It is up to a woman to be patient and "teach" him how to treat her.
This theory only works in TV Land people. I know that we’ve all heard that you subconsciously teach someone how to treat you by what you accept (and don’t) from your boy/girlfriend. And I totally agree. However, a man knows whether or not he’s in a committed relationship.
- He will stop ‘getting jiggy’ with his ex
- He will call if he’s going to cancel a date
- Spending time with him and his friends does not = quality time for the two of you
- Collecting phone numbers & going on dates with other women is a no go area
And ladies don't be stupid and provide excuses like..."but this is his first serious relationship and he’s learning...blah blah blah"
Some dudes will try and play dumb but trust, he’s just trying to see what you’ll allow him to get away with.
Myth 2: Things may be a little rocky in the beginning, but things will change.
Not gonna happen. If you've just started seeing each other and he’s always "busy", giving you excuses as to why he can’t return your calls, or why he didnt make it to that meeting then two years from now things will be the same. If you continue to ignore the little things that irritate you at the beginning you cant really complain or try to change him later. Either accept it or find someone else who has time for you.
Myth 3: A man can completely fool you if you’re a victim.
How many women do you know that are or always completely blinded by men? Women are always talking about being used or cheated on by their men but there are always signs of "doginess"(is that a word??..lol) but its up to you if you chose to ignore them. For example if you've never seen where he lives and you've been together for 8 months...this is a clear red warning! lol
This doesn’t give your boyfriend the excuse to be a complete prick, neither does it mean you should be critical of everyone you meet. Its simple, common sense should be our guide.
Myth 4: A man should accept you for who you are.
Not necessarily. Are you the best you that you can be? Are you difficult? What is your character? How do you treat people in your life? In most circumstances you should be accepted for who you are, but not if you’re crazy. We can always better ourselves and sometimes it takes someone we love to do that.
Now I know a few people are going to have a problem with what I've said in todays session. So leave a comment and i'll tell you why your wrong...lol!
Peace
- BruthaDiva
Monday, November 20, 2006
I'm not usually this girly...
A while ago I was suffering from "writers block" (like i always do!...lol) and a really good friend told me to write as if i was in love. I thought he was crazy, but it worked. Thanks "bruv"!
Today I poured my soul into the air . . .
Trying to compose words to describe exactly how I feel about you
I sat all morning trying to find a way to explain it . . .
And every time I thought I had it . . .
I realised that it was probably something you had heard before . . .
But, what I feel is different . . .
Words would be too weak to describe feelings this strong.
I've sat here trying to rearrange the fragments of my heart
Into something meaningful that you could wrap your mind around
You have to know that I have never experienced an emotion such as this
One that leaves me speechless
And all I can do is talk around it . . . and not about it
How can I possibly write down this emotion?
What language can really express the impression you have made upon me?
I've sat here trying to capture the phrases and sentences
That could get through to you how out of everybody in the world
You are the only person that has ever been necessary to me
I guess I could tell you that you're my first . . . my last . . .my best . . . my only
I guess I could say how I've known from the beginning that you are all I need . . .
How it was an overload of all my senses when I met you
How cupid didn't just hit me with one of his little arrows
But instead, hit me with a blast of knowledge that you were IT for me
And I KNEW . . .
And I still know . . .
Normally I would think this was impossible if it was'nt happening to me
This feeling is that powerful, that amazing, that strong, and that deep
To put it simply . . . I love you
And those are not just words
They are an expression, an oath, and a promise . . .
They are everything
And I hope and pray that they are enough.
- SistaLova
Today I poured my soul into the air . . .
Trying to compose words to describe exactly how I feel about you
I sat all morning trying to find a way to explain it . . .
And every time I thought I had it . . .
I realised that it was probably something you had heard before . . .
But, what I feel is different . . .
Words would be too weak to describe feelings this strong.
I've sat here trying to rearrange the fragments of my heart
Into something meaningful that you could wrap your mind around
You have to know that I have never experienced an emotion such as this
One that leaves me speechless
And all I can do is talk around it . . . and not about it
How can I possibly write down this emotion?
What language can really express the impression you have made upon me?
I've sat here trying to capture the phrases and sentences
That could get through to you how out of everybody in the world
You are the only person that has ever been necessary to me
I guess I could tell you that you're my first . . . my last . . .my best . . . my only
I guess I could say how I've known from the beginning that you are all I need . . .
How it was an overload of all my senses when I met you
How cupid didn't just hit me with one of his little arrows
But instead, hit me with a blast of knowledge that you were IT for me
And I KNEW . . .
And I still know . . .
Normally I would think this was impossible if it was'nt happening to me
This feeling is that powerful, that amazing, that strong, and that deep
To put it simply . . . I love you
And those are not just words
They are an expression, an oath, and a promise . . .
They are everything
And I hope and pray that they are enough.
- SistaLova
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Random thoughts!
• I want to find him, I know he’s out there
• Why do people call you the most when you’re trying to sleep?
• I wanna move, I’m thinking Venice
• My younger siblings are growing up and I’m not around to see it
• I really love my mum. I think I would go crazy (literally) if anything
happened to her. God forbid.
• I’m broke!
• I think my best friend is going to get married before me
• I realised I have this instinct to want to please people even if it really
inconveniences me.
• I want chocolate, scratch that I just want some food. Been real hungry
recently.
• The relationship between my dad and I is becoming more and more distant by
the day. I could not talk to him for months and I wouldn’t feel anything. Is
that bad?
• I love my fellow AfroDivas, seriously! Imagine out of the 20yrs I’ve been on
this earth, its only a few months ago that I met ladies that complement my
views, people I feel really comfortable with.
• Is it weird for me to acknowledge when a girl is pretty? I dunno I just have
to look at them. I can’t help it. Lol.
• I can’t hold eye contact with people I truly care about. Guys that I like or
if I feel really guilty about something.
• You think people recognise how important I am when they see me – I mean do
people analyse how important you must be and respond to you on a scale of 1
to 10 (10 being the most important). When I feel some people talk to me like
I’m on scale 1.
• Ok I’m feeling sorry for myself now.
• I’m leaning towards the younger guys – am I a cradle snatcher? Lol. Oh well!
I don’t care, its better to get some than none at all.
• LMAO! Oh you know I ain’t getting none, AARGH my life. (B.F. Why are you
laughing at me?)
• My best friend thinks I’m gonna come out the closet soon.
• I like 2 guys at work, but I don’t know whether I really like them or I’m
trying to keep myself occupied.
• Thoughts of my ex disgusts me. I shudder when I think about me and him.
Why did I get in that relationship?
• You know I like you right – you just do certain things to annoy me. I know
you don’t like me like that, its something I’m going to have to deal with.
• I want a car. God provide me with a car – not no banger though. I want to
ride in style.
• You think we could really be like GIRLFRIENDS, you know that would be sooo
cool, like AARGH so cool. Even if we were still based here, but everyone
had their own thing going on. Life is but a dream.
• I could go on all day, I actually think too much. Back to my hustle,
studying and working.
• I need a sugar daddy! OK, change that to 'I would like', it's hard being so
independent.
- Gabrielle
• Why do people call you the most when you’re trying to sleep?
• I wanna move, I’m thinking Venice
• My younger siblings are growing up and I’m not around to see it
• I really love my mum. I think I would go crazy (literally) if anything
happened to her. God forbid.
• I’m broke!
• I think my best friend is going to get married before me
• I realised I have this instinct to want to please people even if it really
inconveniences me.
• I want chocolate, scratch that I just want some food. Been real hungry
recently.
• The relationship between my dad and I is becoming more and more distant by
the day. I could not talk to him for months and I wouldn’t feel anything. Is
that bad?
• I love my fellow AfroDivas, seriously! Imagine out of the 20yrs I’ve been on
this earth, its only a few months ago that I met ladies that complement my
views, people I feel really comfortable with.
• Is it weird for me to acknowledge when a girl is pretty? I dunno I just have
to look at them. I can’t help it. Lol.
• I can’t hold eye contact with people I truly care about. Guys that I like or
if I feel really guilty about something.
• You think people recognise how important I am when they see me – I mean do
people analyse how important you must be and respond to you on a scale of 1
to 10 (10 being the most important). When I feel some people talk to me like
I’m on scale 1.
• Ok I’m feeling sorry for myself now.
• I’m leaning towards the younger guys – am I a cradle snatcher? Lol. Oh well!
I don’t care, its better to get some than none at all.
• LMAO! Oh you know I ain’t getting none, AARGH my life. (B.F. Why are you
laughing at me?)
• My best friend thinks I’m gonna come out the closet soon.
• I like 2 guys at work, but I don’t know whether I really like them or I’m
trying to keep myself occupied.
• Thoughts of my ex disgusts me. I shudder when I think about me and him.
Why did I get in that relationship?
• You know I like you right – you just do certain things to annoy me. I know
you don’t like me like that, its something I’m going to have to deal with.
• I want a car. God provide me with a car – not no banger though. I want to
ride in style.
• You think we could really be like GIRLFRIENDS, you know that would be sooo
cool, like AARGH so cool. Even if we were still based here, but everyone
had their own thing going on. Life is but a dream.
• I could go on all day, I actually think too much. Back to my hustle,
studying and working.
• I need a sugar daddy! OK, change that to 'I would like', it's hard being so
independent.
- Gabrielle
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Soon Come...
Hey people It been a while since I posted anything on here, and since a few of you like my other story "Untitled" I thought of writing another one...enjoy!
Rewinding the moments back to when I saw him earlier that day. He met me outside of my 2 p.m. chemistry lecture. At first I thought he was there waiting for someone else. I mean, he was one of the most "on point brothas" on campus and while I had my own selection of admirers, he was a cut above the rest. 6'3, a body carved straight out of the mold of an African warrior with skin as dark and edible as Godiva chocolates and the whitest teeth I think I'd ever seen on a human being...wow
and he was waiting there at the entrance of my class. For me.
"Hey Lauren," he said as I walked up to him.
"Hey Ashley," I replied using all the strength in my body to remain cool even though everything in me was shivering, right down to my liver.
"Can I walk you to your next class?"
*HELL YEAH!
"sure."
So we're walking and I'm looking at him on the sly, stealing pieces of his fine form to store away in my mind for those days when eye candy is lacking and I need a reminder of perfection.
I never imagined what would be happening roughly ten hours later.
we hadn't spoken much during the walk to class, mainly small talk about the weather and such. It was obvious to me that he was slightly challenged in the mental department. But eh, I was young and shallow and really didn't give a shit about his conversational skills. It was just nice being escorted across campus by one of the most sought after guys there. I was wearing him like a rapper wears ice around their neck, flaunting him in front of the females like he was ten carats. Just waiting for the girls to whisper among themselves about how big and flawless that diamond was on my arm.
Yeah, yeah...it was that ridiculous.
Anywhoo, after he walked me to my next class I didn't see him until later that evening. It was about 9 p.m and I was in my dorm room playing blackjack with the boys and the phone rang.
"Come, jam over at mine...i'll meet you downstairs to walk you over."
*Hmmm...I see, "jam" eh?
"O.K."
He had me pinned up against the wall and was kissing me like he had been locked up and hadnt seen a woman in years. The lighting was dim except for the lone street light casting a weak ray of light onto the space from about fifty yards away. His body was pushed up against mine. we were kissing feverishly, running our hands over each other like water, making sure to touch upon every inch of each other as we grasped, squeezed and caressed each other for what seemed like hours but was really only for a few minutes.
I heard a soft whimper, it sort of sounded like a wounded dog. My head was spinning and he wasn't letting me come up for air so I broke off the kiss with a gasp. I glanced up as his silhouette, wondering if that noise had come from him. But he simply showed me his perfect smile and said nothing.
We finally reached his dorm room and proceeded to undress each other, I heard the whimper again. It sounded like a dying dog or something, high and squeaky. Ashley's half dressed body started trembling around me, It scared the SHIT out of me. And unlike the first time this sound was LOUD, like it was a woman AND her dog getting stabbed multiple times. After a akward moment or two he whispered...
"sorry"
So Im staring at his 6'3, edible african warrior frame and wondering how he could sound like an elderly woman and her little poodle being chased by a killer when he "reaches" and how he managed to "reach" without anything happening. As we walked back to my dorm in complete silence I wonder if maybe I imagined it. Then I stole a look at him and saw his embarrassment and knew I hadn't. The next question in my mind was how exactly were we gonna act around each other.
uh, I found out the answer to that the next day.
So im in my last class of the day unable to concentrate as im still reflecting on last nights action or lack thereof. When my phone vibrates in my pocket...its a message from Chantel my longest and closet friend. Asking if we could meet up. I reply back telling her to meet me at The Set, our favourite spot. It had a cozy atmosphere, featured a mixture of different people and had great food. The perfect place to catch up on some girly gossip. Chantel knew everything about everybody and although she could use this to her advantage she didnt, it just was'nt in her to go behind peoples backs. I guess thats why we were so close I knew that she could always keep a secret.
After having a quick catch up of what our days were like, Chantel glanced at me with that look she had whenever she knew something I did'nt.
"what is it?"
"what exactly happened with you and Ashley last night?"
"huh?"
*how does she know?
"Ashley's been telling everyone about you becoming a freak when he hooked up with you"
"What!!"
I yelled so loud the waitress passing us dropped a customers order. Apparently that "lil' punk, screaming like a bitch when he reaches" had told everyone that he called and I came running. He also informed people that I begged him to sleep with me! can you believe this shit!
After explaining what really happened, Chantel pointed out that I had two options either confront him and expose him for the lying rat he was or simply ignore it. But the more I thought about the situation the angrier I grew. I mean this was my reputation at stake. What was a girl to do?
- SistaLova
Rewinding the moments back to when I saw him earlier that day. He met me outside of my 2 p.m. chemistry lecture. At first I thought he was there waiting for someone else. I mean, he was one of the most "on point brothas" on campus and while I had my own selection of admirers, he was a cut above the rest. 6'3, a body carved straight out of the mold of an African warrior with skin as dark and edible as Godiva chocolates and the whitest teeth I think I'd ever seen on a human being...wow
and he was waiting there at the entrance of my class. For me.
"Hey Lauren," he said as I walked up to him.
"Hey Ashley," I replied using all the strength in my body to remain cool even though everything in me was shivering, right down to my liver.
"Can I walk you to your next class?"
*HELL YEAH!
"sure."
So we're walking and I'm looking at him on the sly, stealing pieces of his fine form to store away in my mind for those days when eye candy is lacking and I need a reminder of perfection.
I never imagined what would be happening roughly ten hours later.
we hadn't spoken much during the walk to class, mainly small talk about the weather and such. It was obvious to me that he was slightly challenged in the mental department. But eh, I was young and shallow and really didn't give a shit about his conversational skills. It was just nice being escorted across campus by one of the most sought after guys there. I was wearing him like a rapper wears ice around their neck, flaunting him in front of the females like he was ten carats. Just waiting for the girls to whisper among themselves about how big and flawless that diamond was on my arm.
Yeah, yeah...it was that ridiculous.
Anywhoo, after he walked me to my next class I didn't see him until later that evening. It was about 9 p.m and I was in my dorm room playing blackjack with the boys and the phone rang.
"Come, jam over at mine...i'll meet you downstairs to walk you over."
*Hmmm...I see, "jam" eh?
"O.K."
He had me pinned up against the wall and was kissing me like he had been locked up and hadnt seen a woman in years. The lighting was dim except for the lone street light casting a weak ray of light onto the space from about fifty yards away. His body was pushed up against mine. we were kissing feverishly, running our hands over each other like water, making sure to touch upon every inch of each other as we grasped, squeezed and caressed each other for what seemed like hours but was really only for a few minutes.
I heard a soft whimper, it sort of sounded like a wounded dog. My head was spinning and he wasn't letting me come up for air so I broke off the kiss with a gasp. I glanced up as his silhouette, wondering if that noise had come from him. But he simply showed me his perfect smile and said nothing.
We finally reached his dorm room and proceeded to undress each other, I heard the whimper again. It sounded like a dying dog or something, high and squeaky. Ashley's half dressed body started trembling around me, It scared the SHIT out of me. And unlike the first time this sound was LOUD, like it was a woman AND her dog getting stabbed multiple times. After a akward moment or two he whispered...
"sorry"
So Im staring at his 6'3, edible african warrior frame and wondering how he could sound like an elderly woman and her little poodle being chased by a killer when he "reaches" and how he managed to "reach" without anything happening. As we walked back to my dorm in complete silence I wonder if maybe I imagined it. Then I stole a look at him and saw his embarrassment and knew I hadn't. The next question in my mind was how exactly were we gonna act around each other.
uh, I found out the answer to that the next day.
So im in my last class of the day unable to concentrate as im still reflecting on last nights action or lack thereof. When my phone vibrates in my pocket...its a message from Chantel my longest and closet friend. Asking if we could meet up. I reply back telling her to meet me at The Set, our favourite spot. It had a cozy atmosphere, featured a mixture of different people and had great food. The perfect place to catch up on some girly gossip. Chantel knew everything about everybody and although she could use this to her advantage she didnt, it just was'nt in her to go behind peoples backs. I guess thats why we were so close I knew that she could always keep a secret.
After having a quick catch up of what our days were like, Chantel glanced at me with that look she had whenever she knew something I did'nt.
"what is it?"
"what exactly happened with you and Ashley last night?"
"huh?"
*how does she know?
"Ashley's been telling everyone about you becoming a freak when he hooked up with you"
"What!!"
I yelled so loud the waitress passing us dropped a customers order. Apparently that "lil' punk, screaming like a bitch when he reaches" had told everyone that he called and I came running. He also informed people that I begged him to sleep with me! can you believe this shit!
After explaining what really happened, Chantel pointed out that I had two options either confront him and expose him for the lying rat he was or simply ignore it. But the more I thought about the situation the angrier I grew. I mean this was my reputation at stake. What was a girl to do?
- SistaLova
Sunday, November 05, 2006
A Letter to You...
Men are so immature, NO for real! I can't believe I swooned over this guy, pictured a future with him and now this guy won't even talk to me. See... it's for this reason that I don't find fault with lesbians. Yes, I know, I don't support it but I can understand why a perfectly beautiful woman would choose to fall in the arms of a heavy set, well built woman than the defined arms of a man.
My theory of older guys not being as much hassle as younger guys has since been thrown out the window. A good 4 yrs older than me but I feel like I'm dealing with someone with the same mindset as those HYPE boys I once knew in college. The trend nowadays is the 'younger' guy and having previously touched on this subject I came to the conclusion that I couldn't do it but recent events have made me feel a lot differently specially since one of my younger cousin's friedns is totally cute, (so many candidates) - just not sure of their young feeble minds. But at this point talking to them seems more productive than talking to HIM.
Argh, he gets me so riled up sometimes 'cos I wasted valuable time thinking about our prospects, seeking advice from others about what I should do. I shoulda known when my best friend said, 'he's a wasteman' to stay clear. And don't start getting judgemental, my 'b.f.' says everyone is a wasteman, he doesn't want me to be with anyone, just as a father or brother doesnt want their female relative to come across the opposite sex in fear of all the things they did to other girls coming back to them indirectly with the mistreatment of their 'girl'. It's all irony anyway, 'what goes around comes around.'
So I haven't spoken to this fool for 2 weeks now, and yes I'm pissed, I have a reason to be angry. You know what it feels like, it feels like that friend you used to ALWAYS defend when people used to bitch about her but then ends up turning against you with the rest of your clique.
It feels exactly like that, it feels like 'why the hell did I speak to you in the first place, why on God's green earth did I think we could be friends, why... even after my 'b.f.' had died you down (dismissed your existence) I decided to relate to you anyway.'
For you to f***ing do this and go on like I did you something. If anything, there's no reason why you shouldn't be talking to me. You know what, you're DUMB! You're actually an IDIOT, and I hope you read this. Do you know how I worked my butt off calling round, making sure everything was set for your event, taking time out of my learning schedule to help your sorry arse. I didn't ask you to come to my uni, HELL why did you come?
All I know is, I've been distressed, distraught because I was upset about you not talking to me. I actually felt upset, that's just the 'kindness' in me, I won't ever make that mistake again.
I hadn't seen or spoken to you for years before we bumped into each other again so it doesn't really pay no importance to me if that night I saw you was the last time for the rest of my life. Feed off that MORON!
Why couldn't you voice what was bothering you? Why couldn't you show me that you weren't happy about what happened. I mean even I wasn't happy. But there you were tryna act like a HARD man, when you know the fact that the event didn't turn out the way you planned it BURNT you. It even BURNT ME, but you're gonna try and lay blame on me and you don't even have the decency to tell me that's the way you feel. You can pretend like thats not what is going on, but as I always say 'mama didn't raise no fool', from 10+ calls every evening discussing the event and everything else to 0 calls the night of the event, for 2 weeks now. Nah, I'm not stupid.
But anyway go on with your bad self, I realise that you didn't really know me, 'cos if you did you would know crying, sulking, tantrums don't make me sympathise with you. Coming to me as a bigger person and telling me what's going on in your head makes me respect you. More fool you if you think after writing this I'm gonna acknowledge you, you don't exist to me no more.
Have a nice life.
- Gabrielle
I know it's heated readers but this was holding me back from being myself, I just needed to let this steam off, I was acting 'too cool for school', letting all this mess get to me. Never again.
Readers, I'm back. And if I ever, ever try to go soft on you guys again, let me know, it's time I turned the tables... for every person that upset you, ever made you feel like you were lower than them, just ever made you start tripping... well, this letter goes out to them.
Kiss my fabulous arse 'cos you are NEVER going to make me feel like that again.
UPDATE
I wrote this and spoke to him like 2 days after, HE was going on like nothing happened, when I know it did. I wasn't even going to publish this post because infact I did speak to him, and that would contradict everything I wrote in the letter, but I've decided to post it because despite the fact that we spoke, we're still not cool and that letter allowed me to vent, I didn't know I was this angry 'til I read the letter back. NOW... I'm not angry anymore, it's just one of those things... this will be a lesson to me though.
My kindness will be taken for weakness, that's life - there's nothing I can do about it. Just because of this one incident I can't stop being nice, one day someone is really going to need it, and they will appreciate it, so until then imma have to keep being nice... as I said 'its just one of those things.'
My theory of older guys not being as much hassle as younger guys has since been thrown out the window. A good 4 yrs older than me but I feel like I'm dealing with someone with the same mindset as those HYPE boys I once knew in college. The trend nowadays is the 'younger' guy and having previously touched on this subject I came to the conclusion that I couldn't do it but recent events have made me feel a lot differently specially since one of my younger cousin's friedns is totally cute, (so many candidates) - just not sure of their young feeble minds. But at this point talking to them seems more productive than talking to HIM.
Argh, he gets me so riled up sometimes 'cos I wasted valuable time thinking about our prospects, seeking advice from others about what I should do. I shoulda known when my best friend said, 'he's a wasteman' to stay clear. And don't start getting judgemental, my 'b.f.' says everyone is a wasteman, he doesn't want me to be with anyone, just as a father or brother doesnt want their female relative to come across the opposite sex in fear of all the things they did to other girls coming back to them indirectly with the mistreatment of their 'girl'. It's all irony anyway, 'what goes around comes around.'
So I haven't spoken to this fool for 2 weeks now, and yes I'm pissed, I have a reason to be angry. You know what it feels like, it feels like that friend you used to ALWAYS defend when people used to bitch about her but then ends up turning against you with the rest of your clique.
It feels exactly like that, it feels like 'why the hell did I speak to you in the first place, why on God's green earth did I think we could be friends, why... even after my 'b.f.' had died you down (dismissed your existence) I decided to relate to you anyway.'
For you to f***ing do this and go on like I did you something. If anything, there's no reason why you shouldn't be talking to me. You know what, you're DUMB! You're actually an IDIOT, and I hope you read this. Do you know how I worked my butt off calling round, making sure everything was set for your event, taking time out of my learning schedule to help your sorry arse. I didn't ask you to come to my uni, HELL why did you come?
All I know is, I've been distressed, distraught because I was upset about you not talking to me. I actually felt upset, that's just the 'kindness' in me, I won't ever make that mistake again.
I hadn't seen or spoken to you for years before we bumped into each other again so it doesn't really pay no importance to me if that night I saw you was the last time for the rest of my life. Feed off that MORON!
Why couldn't you voice what was bothering you? Why couldn't you show me that you weren't happy about what happened. I mean even I wasn't happy. But there you were tryna act like a HARD man, when you know the fact that the event didn't turn out the way you planned it BURNT you. It even BURNT ME, but you're gonna try and lay blame on me and you don't even have the decency to tell me that's the way you feel. You can pretend like thats not what is going on, but as I always say 'mama didn't raise no fool', from 10+ calls every evening discussing the event and everything else to 0 calls the night of the event, for 2 weeks now. Nah, I'm not stupid.
But anyway go on with your bad self, I realise that you didn't really know me, 'cos if you did you would know crying, sulking, tantrums don't make me sympathise with you. Coming to me as a bigger person and telling me what's going on in your head makes me respect you. More fool you if you think after writing this I'm gonna acknowledge you, you don't exist to me no more.
Have a nice life.
- Gabrielle
I know it's heated readers but this was holding me back from being myself, I just needed to let this steam off, I was acting 'too cool for school', letting all this mess get to me. Never again.
Readers, I'm back. And if I ever, ever try to go soft on you guys again, let me know, it's time I turned the tables... for every person that upset you, ever made you feel like you were lower than them, just ever made you start tripping... well, this letter goes out to them.
Kiss my fabulous arse 'cos you are NEVER going to make me feel like that again.
UPDATE
I wrote this and spoke to him like 2 days after, HE was going on like nothing happened, when I know it did. I wasn't even going to publish this post because infact I did speak to him, and that would contradict everything I wrote in the letter, but I've decided to post it because despite the fact that we spoke, we're still not cool and that letter allowed me to vent, I didn't know I was this angry 'til I read the letter back. NOW... I'm not angry anymore, it's just one of those things... this will be a lesson to me though.
My kindness will be taken for weakness, that's life - there's nothing I can do about it. Just because of this one incident I can't stop being nice, one day someone is really going to need it, and they will appreciate it, so until then imma have to keep being nice... as I said 'its just one of those things.'
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Emotional makeovers
OK. New start, new attitude, new clothes! LOL!! I wish. But anyway less about me, I read in ELLE (if you don’t know this about me I’m an avid ELLE reader, the thrills and excitement of fashion still calls me to this day.) Back to what I was saying, I read in ELLE that when a woman is getting over a break-up, basic instincts is to cut her hair off. They said that a woman can make herself over emotionally and physically (even her wardrobe) but cutting her hair makes it more drastic, makes it seem like she really is taking control of her life. Some women want to physically show their exes that they have moved on, you could have matured, even changed your sense of style but nothing shouts ‘I’m over you’ like a drastic new haircut.
As I read this I started laughing, I mean come to think of it most girls I know that cut their hair just got out of a break-up or out of something that affected their lives drastically. Then I analysed why I cut my hair and NO, it wasn’t because I had broken up with my boyfriend. I cut my hair because I was turning 18 and wanted a new look, I wanted to look mature.
I can recall the events like it was yesterday:
I’d been thinking about cutting my hair for a while, I wasn’t pleased with my appearance and I felt like I looked like any other regular black chick. I thought a 'cut' would solve the problem and so proceeded with that plan. Went to the hairdressers and she carried out my request, all I kept hearing was gasps and ‘oh my gosh’ but I need to describe what I felt. It felt like an out of body experience, no joke, when my hair was falling to the floor I felt no anxiety. I felt at peace when my hair was being cut, it was so surreal. I felt like the ‘old’ me was dying away with every strand of hair that was being cut. Like I was a new person, I looked and felt like a totally different person. All in my state of mind ergo but it didn’t matter, it was my re-birth!
Ever since that day I haven’t looked back, I had a few wild moments that I will take to my grave. It gave me a confidence I never knew was in me, I mean before I used to hide behind my hair, having the short hair meant I couldn’t hide behind anything, my face was out there. I wasn’t extremely quiet but you know how it is, sometimes you just don’t feel like talking but that all changed… I learnt how to interact.
As much as the short cut made me feel liberated, it brought out a side of me I’d rather keep locked inside. I cheated on my then boyfriend, I met up with a guy that I’d known for literally 10 seconds and had a rather steamy rendezvous- lets not get into that.
It’s like I became one of those girls who are on ‘lock’ for many years then when they go off to uni they turn wild, the difference with me is that my living arrangements never changed, nothing changed except my outlook on life. I mean it wasn’t a drastic change, but it was a change. The compliments about my new look, the attention I was getting, the extended freedom I had… all went to my head.
So anyway, I got home that night and my mum was extremely angry with me but I didn’t care, I really didn’t. I was on this high, its unexplainable!
Then my house phone rang, my mum told me it was my 'then' boyfriend, so I was excited. I was going to tell him that I cut my hair and how I hoped he wouldn’t be angry with me. I was just going to share my basic feelings with him as I always did but before I could even say any of that… he broke up with me.
BUMMER!!
Technically, I had cut my hair before he broke up with me so it didn’t count as a repercussion of his actions, but that drastic move made it easier for me to get on with my life. In a way I knew it wasn’t going to work, cutting my hair was just a sign of things to come.
- Gabrielle
As I read this I started laughing, I mean come to think of it most girls I know that cut their hair just got out of a break-up or out of something that affected their lives drastically. Then I analysed why I cut my hair and NO, it wasn’t because I had broken up with my boyfriend. I cut my hair because I was turning 18 and wanted a new look, I wanted to look mature.
I can recall the events like it was yesterday:
I’d been thinking about cutting my hair for a while, I wasn’t pleased with my appearance and I felt like I looked like any other regular black chick. I thought a 'cut' would solve the problem and so proceeded with that plan. Went to the hairdressers and she carried out my request, all I kept hearing was gasps and ‘oh my gosh’ but I need to describe what I felt. It felt like an out of body experience, no joke, when my hair was falling to the floor I felt no anxiety. I felt at peace when my hair was being cut, it was so surreal. I felt like the ‘old’ me was dying away with every strand of hair that was being cut. Like I was a new person, I looked and felt like a totally different person. All in my state of mind ergo but it didn’t matter, it was my re-birth!
Ever since that day I haven’t looked back, I had a few wild moments that I will take to my grave. It gave me a confidence I never knew was in me, I mean before I used to hide behind my hair, having the short hair meant I couldn’t hide behind anything, my face was out there. I wasn’t extremely quiet but you know how it is, sometimes you just don’t feel like talking but that all changed… I learnt how to interact.
As much as the short cut made me feel liberated, it brought out a side of me I’d rather keep locked inside. I cheated on my then boyfriend, I met up with a guy that I’d known for literally 10 seconds and had a rather steamy rendezvous- lets not get into that.
It’s like I became one of those girls who are on ‘lock’ for many years then when they go off to uni they turn wild, the difference with me is that my living arrangements never changed, nothing changed except my outlook on life. I mean it wasn’t a drastic change, but it was a change. The compliments about my new look, the attention I was getting, the extended freedom I had… all went to my head.
So anyway, I got home that night and my mum was extremely angry with me but I didn’t care, I really didn’t. I was on this high, its unexplainable!
Then my house phone rang, my mum told me it was my 'then' boyfriend, so I was excited. I was going to tell him that I cut my hair and how I hoped he wouldn’t be angry with me. I was just going to share my basic feelings with him as I always did but before I could even say any of that… he broke up with me.
BUMMER!!
Technically, I had cut my hair before he broke up with me so it didn’t count as a repercussion of his actions, but that drastic move made it easier for me to get on with my life. In a way I knew it wasn’t going to work, cutting my hair was just a sign of things to come.
- Gabrielle
Monday, October 02, 2006
The Art of Maintaining Eye Contact
Specialist: SistaHood
Guinea Pigs: Gabrielle
SistaLova
The aim of this experiment is to see how far eye contact can carry you.
The eye contact theory according to SistaHood is one that conjures up a certain confidence between both parties to take that extra step and talk to each other, this goes against the many times you have seen a ‘potential’ and just let him/her walk pass.
As I was supposed to be ‘chirspin the man dem’ and yet haven’t come across a potential, I have mastered the art of flirtatious chat with practically any guy I come across. Whether it be the guy who took my order in Nandos, the guy who held the lift for me at work or even one of my ‘cute’ lecturers from my last year. I know, I know. The last one is a bit dodge but he’s just too cute … So we decided to carry out the experiment and see what happens.
Scenario 1
The three of use are on the train coming back from an outing and decide to try the experiment on the train. LOL. Hilarious outcome. The guy we wanted to make ‘eye contact’ with, got on the next carriage and we were left trying the experiment with some rockhead, now I have absolutely nothing against rockheads, their fashion sense inspires me, but if I show you a picture, even you’d be scared. We weren’t even carrying out the experiment on him (we decided not to) but the looks he was giving us made me wonder whether those are the same looks a murderer gives to his victim before he kills him. Yes it was that deep, I never exaggerate! So that one fell through but it didn’t deter us, well it didn’t deter me. I believe in the ‘eye contact’ theory and I know it works. Just have to find the right candidate.
- Gabrielle
Guinea Pigs: Gabrielle
SistaLova
The aim of this experiment is to see how far eye contact can carry you.
The eye contact theory according to SistaHood is one that conjures up a certain confidence between both parties to take that extra step and talk to each other, this goes against the many times you have seen a ‘potential’ and just let him/her walk pass.
As I was supposed to be ‘chirspin the man dem’ and yet haven’t come across a potential, I have mastered the art of flirtatious chat with practically any guy I come across. Whether it be the guy who took my order in Nandos, the guy who held the lift for me at work or even one of my ‘cute’ lecturers from my last year. I know, I know. The last one is a bit dodge but he’s just too cute … So we decided to carry out the experiment and see what happens.
Scenario 1
The three of use are on the train coming back from an outing and decide to try the experiment on the train. LOL. Hilarious outcome. The guy we wanted to make ‘eye contact’ with, got on the next carriage and we were left trying the experiment with some rockhead, now I have absolutely nothing against rockheads, their fashion sense inspires me, but if I show you a picture, even you’d be scared. We weren’t even carrying out the experiment on him (we decided not to) but the looks he was giving us made me wonder whether those are the same looks a murderer gives to his victim before he kills him. Yes it was that deep, I never exaggerate! So that one fell through but it didn’t deter us, well it didn’t deter me. I believe in the ‘eye contact’ theory and I know it works. Just have to find the right candidate.
- Gabrielle
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Friday, September 22, 2006
Untitled..Part 3
Kevin listened as I phoned Max on his mobile. Sobbing, I told him the wedding was off. This was it...at long last.
"It's just jitters...We can fix any problems" Max repeated, so much so that I finally said "ok". The Courage I thought was there was beginning to fade fast. And putting down the phone, I fell into Kevins arms and sought solace in ?? The next morning Kevin left for work, looking dazed with silent defeat. I felt the same as I got ready to have my nails done. Then I put on my long white lace dress and left for Wandsworth Register Office. I cast my eyes down as I vowed to be faithful to the man I'd already betrayed. As I said my "I do's" the image of Kevin appearing and saving me replayed in my mind.
Max seemed to glow with joy, while I just wanted to run.... But it was too late. At the reception I just wanted scream and end my "happy bride" charade. Instead I snuck off and phoned Kevins mobile, "Why did you go through with it?" he yelled."Don't hate me" I replied, then I left my own reception.
Back home I found Kevin crying in the living room. "I'm leaving", he said. "Your life is with Max now." "No, you can't!" I screamed, panicking. "I'll tell him..." So I went back to the reception, but seeing Max's joy, I just returned his caresses with my own guilt-ridden Judas kiss.
Finally, when we arrived home, Kevin was gone. Max took me upstairs, we sat on our bed and he placed the softest kiss on my neck.
How could he be so happy, so innocent?? I'd lost everything that meant anything to me. Now so would Max.
"I'm seeing someone else," I blurted. "We had sex last night". "What?" Max flinched. He looked almost disbelieving, but the expression on my face told him I wasn't lying.
"Who?"
"Kevin", I whispered.
"How could you?" he erupted in sudden anger. But even he now realised the depth of my sordid deceit. Not only was Kevin my lover but I had bodly moved him into our home. Speechless with rage and grief, he stormed out and I wept with guilt at hurting him. As stupid as it sounds marrying Max had finally made it clear that it was Kevin I loved. So I rushed to phone him, "Max is gone". "I dont believe you," Kevin snapped hanging up the phone.
And that night, my wedding night, for the first time in months, I spent it sleeping alone. The next day I was bombarded with furious phone calls from my friends and family ashamed of my behaviour. Shamefully my only response was sorry. But when Max called I didn't answer. Instead, I rang Kevin, craving his touch...no reply. I'd lost them both.
- SistaLova
"It's just jitters...We can fix any problems" Max repeated, so much so that I finally said "ok". The Courage I thought was there was beginning to fade fast. And putting down the phone, I fell into Kevins arms and sought solace in ?? The next morning Kevin left for work, looking dazed with silent defeat. I felt the same as I got ready to have my nails done. Then I put on my long white lace dress and left for Wandsworth Register Office. I cast my eyes down as I vowed to be faithful to the man I'd already betrayed. As I said my "I do's" the image of Kevin appearing and saving me replayed in my mind.
Max seemed to glow with joy, while I just wanted to run.... But it was too late. At the reception I just wanted scream and end my "happy bride" charade. Instead I snuck off and phoned Kevins mobile, "Why did you go through with it?" he yelled."Don't hate me" I replied, then I left my own reception.
Back home I found Kevin crying in the living room. "I'm leaving", he said. "Your life is with Max now." "No, you can't!" I screamed, panicking. "I'll tell him..." So I went back to the reception, but seeing Max's joy, I just returned his caresses with my own guilt-ridden Judas kiss.
Finally, when we arrived home, Kevin was gone. Max took me upstairs, we sat on our bed and he placed the softest kiss on my neck.
How could he be so happy, so innocent?? I'd lost everything that meant anything to me. Now so would Max.
"I'm seeing someone else," I blurted. "We had sex last night". "What?" Max flinched. He looked almost disbelieving, but the expression on my face told him I wasn't lying.
"Who?"
"Kevin", I whispered.
"How could you?" he erupted in sudden anger. But even he now realised the depth of my sordid deceit. Not only was Kevin my lover but I had bodly moved him into our home. Speechless with rage and grief, he stormed out and I wept with guilt at hurting him. As stupid as it sounds marrying Max had finally made it clear that it was Kevin I loved. So I rushed to phone him, "Max is gone". "I dont believe you," Kevin snapped hanging up the phone.
And that night, my wedding night, for the first time in months, I spent it sleeping alone. The next day I was bombarded with furious phone calls from my friends and family ashamed of my behaviour. Shamefully my only response was sorry. But when Max called I didn't answer. Instead, I rang Kevin, craving his touch...no reply. I'd lost them both.
- SistaLova
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Untitled.. Part 2
"I love you, SL...leave Max". "I'll call off the wedding" I promised. Yet each time I returned to my loving fiance, I was just too weak. So I chose not to choose. Switching off guilt, I abandoned myself to this madness.
A month before the wedding I was driving with Kevin, when I realised I'd left my credit card at home. "We'll call in and collect it....I'll tell Max you're my cousin." (I know, I know your thinking what a complete bitch, well...yes.)
Anyway my family was huge and Max was so trusting, I knew he'd believe me. Sure enough..."nice to meet you," Max smiled. Kevin grinned as they chatted, and so did I. I'd got away with it! Two weeks on, Kevin was having problems with his living arrangements and needed a new place to stay, the solution was obvious. "Stay with us," I said "We can't do that...its not right" kevin said shocked. I pleaded with him, terrified that if he did'nt have anywhere to stay, he'd leave London. Reluctantly Kevin agreed. Then I asked Max if he could have the spare room..."of course" he said.
Poor, innocent and naive. He had no idea the moment he left for work, Kevin would slip into our still warm bed and make love to me. But how was he to know? we still slept together and in a few weeks, we'd be celebrating our love on a romantic honeymoon in Fiji. Every day that passed, my nerves got worse. Max even invited Kevin to our wedding. "I'm sorry, I've got to work,". Later, he cornered me. "You've got to call off the wedding," he said. "We can't do this to Max." But it had gone on for too long and I was terrified of owning up now. "I can't do it," I sighed. Instead, I daydreamt about Kevin turning up at the ceremony and stopping the proceedings.
The eve of our wedding seemed to come around suddenly. Max kissed me goodbye. He was spending the night at his mum's,leaving Kevin and I alone. "See you at the altar," Max smiled to me... "Love you". As the door shut I replied "Me too".
Then a long, charged silence fell between Kevin and I. We were all alone. I broke down and with the tears came the courage I should of had weeks earlier. "I've got to tell Max I cant go through with it".
- SistaLova
A month before the wedding I was driving with Kevin, when I realised I'd left my credit card at home. "We'll call in and collect it....I'll tell Max you're my cousin." (I know, I know your thinking what a complete bitch, well...yes.)
Anyway my family was huge and Max was so trusting, I knew he'd believe me. Sure enough..."nice to meet you," Max smiled. Kevin grinned as they chatted, and so did I. I'd got away with it! Two weeks on, Kevin was having problems with his living arrangements and needed a new place to stay, the solution was obvious. "Stay with us," I said "We can't do that...its not right" kevin said shocked. I pleaded with him, terrified that if he did'nt have anywhere to stay, he'd leave London. Reluctantly Kevin agreed. Then I asked Max if he could have the spare room..."of course" he said.
Poor, innocent and naive. He had no idea the moment he left for work, Kevin would slip into our still warm bed and make love to me. But how was he to know? we still slept together and in a few weeks, we'd be celebrating our love on a romantic honeymoon in Fiji. Every day that passed, my nerves got worse. Max even invited Kevin to our wedding. "I'm sorry, I've got to work,". Later, he cornered me. "You've got to call off the wedding," he said. "We can't do this to Max." But it had gone on for too long and I was terrified of owning up now. "I can't do it," I sighed. Instead, I daydreamt about Kevin turning up at the ceremony and stopping the proceedings.
The eve of our wedding seemed to come around suddenly. Max kissed me goodbye. He was spending the night at his mum's,leaving Kevin and I alone. "See you at the altar," Max smiled to me... "Love you". As the door shut I replied "Me too".
Then a long, charged silence fell between Kevin and I. We were all alone. I broke down and with the tears came the courage I should of had weeks earlier. "I've got to tell Max I cant go through with it".
- SistaLova
Monday, September 11, 2006
Deep Down
I’ve wanted to write on the site for a while but to no avail. Things have been happening to me but I just didn’t have the desire to write about it, there are some things I wanted to keep private and in the portrayal of myself being an independent young lady in this blog, it further disturbed me to write anything negative or depressing, I really wanted to upkeep my readers’ perceptions of me and I didn’t think sharing my weak moments would do that. Honestly, my moments of weakness distress me and I just couldn't bear to share. I only wanted to ever show the ‘Gabrielle’ that is confident, brave, outspoken, feisty; I didn’t want to share the side of me that experiences moments of loneliness, sadness, indecisiveness, basically the moments when I’m in a ‘funk’… but I’ve decided to share my thoughts at such a time, I mean writing could help me try and understand why I feel like this.
‘I’m cursed, with loving you baby,
It hurts ‘cos you’ll never know it
I was put here to hopelessly love you
You ain’t thinking bout me
That’s the torture I go through’
Words of Vivian Green ‘cursed’, I’ve put it on repeat, and even though I’ve listened to this song like a million times before, it’s only now that I’m understanding what she’s saying. Before I was just singing the lyrics because it sounded good, now when I sing the lyrics I mean every word I say because I’m going through it, I’m experiencing the ‘hurt’ that most singers talk about in their slow jam sessions firsthand and it hurts because I think I love him, I actually think I love him yet despite that he’ll never know how I feel.
I think about him all the time, I can’t help it; I try and reminisce on all the conversations we’ve had just so I can think about him more. I think about the future we could have together, the many memories we could share, then out of nowhere I snap out of my daydreams and crash back to reality. I hate that moment. It’s like I’m in total happiness, it’s so surreal, then that joy is taken from me when I start to think about the real situation and there’s nothing I can do about it. I stare at his name in my phone for what seems like ages, re-read the texts he’s sent me and try to save the voicemails he’s left me for as long as possible, then it dawns on me that I need to get over him. I need to forget about him, if I can’t be with him I doubt I’ll move on. The fact that I like him so much is probably the reason why I can’t commit to other guys, why I can’t picture myself in a relationship or even getting married. My feelings for him run so deep, I’ve liked him for so long and I’m tired. I want this chapter of my life to close, its been such a hindrance to any progression in my love life, the fact that I can't be with him doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t move on with my life but its like my heart doesn’t want to know. I can’t even think about committing to anyone else, the thought alone makes me sick and that’s only because I’ve pictured myself with him for so long that I don’t know anything else.
So I’m in one of those moods, I don’t know whether to call him and just come out with it, (but that poses so many risks to me that I’m not willing to take) or stay silent. Yes, I could tell him that I like him, (well, its much more than ‘like’ now but I’ve got to play it cool) but that presents the risk of him telling me he likes me ‘just as a friend’, I cant take that, I haven’t pictured him as a friend, but as my partner, my companion, my best friend, my soul mate. I can’t describe the feeling I get when I think about the situation, it’s like my heart literally sinks, I can tell it’s not happy, but what do I do? I’m not ready to come clean about the way I feel about him because I don’t want to lose him totally but I know one of these days I am going to lose him. Its like everyday I’m waiting, waiting with baited breath because I know sooner or later he’s going to tell me he’s found ‘the one’ and it won’t be me. That he’ll introduce me to her and all I’ll be thinking is ‘she isn’t right for you’, that he’ll get married and whilst he’s moving on with his life, I’ll still be there hoping that he realises that he’s made a mistake. But see, I don’t want to get to a point in my life where I look around and everyone’s settled apart from me, that’s why I want to make amends now, I guess my constant thinking about it has driven me to be in this ‘funk’, I don’t know how its going to turn out but whatever happens, its all a part of my productive future right? Oh, I hope so… I really do.
- Gabrielle
‘I’m cursed, with loving you baby,
It hurts ‘cos you’ll never know it
I was put here to hopelessly love you
You ain’t thinking bout me
That’s the torture I go through’
Words of Vivian Green ‘cursed’, I’ve put it on repeat, and even though I’ve listened to this song like a million times before, it’s only now that I’m understanding what she’s saying. Before I was just singing the lyrics because it sounded good, now when I sing the lyrics I mean every word I say because I’m going through it, I’m experiencing the ‘hurt’ that most singers talk about in their slow jam sessions firsthand and it hurts because I think I love him, I actually think I love him yet despite that he’ll never know how I feel.
I think about him all the time, I can’t help it; I try and reminisce on all the conversations we’ve had just so I can think about him more. I think about the future we could have together, the many memories we could share, then out of nowhere I snap out of my daydreams and crash back to reality. I hate that moment. It’s like I’m in total happiness, it’s so surreal, then that joy is taken from me when I start to think about the real situation and there’s nothing I can do about it. I stare at his name in my phone for what seems like ages, re-read the texts he’s sent me and try to save the voicemails he’s left me for as long as possible, then it dawns on me that I need to get over him. I need to forget about him, if I can’t be with him I doubt I’ll move on. The fact that I like him so much is probably the reason why I can’t commit to other guys, why I can’t picture myself in a relationship or even getting married. My feelings for him run so deep, I’ve liked him for so long and I’m tired. I want this chapter of my life to close, its been such a hindrance to any progression in my love life, the fact that I can't be with him doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t move on with my life but its like my heart doesn’t want to know. I can’t even think about committing to anyone else, the thought alone makes me sick and that’s only because I’ve pictured myself with him for so long that I don’t know anything else.
So I’m in one of those moods, I don’t know whether to call him and just come out with it, (but that poses so many risks to me that I’m not willing to take) or stay silent. Yes, I could tell him that I like him, (well, its much more than ‘like’ now but I’ve got to play it cool) but that presents the risk of him telling me he likes me ‘just as a friend’, I cant take that, I haven’t pictured him as a friend, but as my partner, my companion, my best friend, my soul mate. I can’t describe the feeling I get when I think about the situation, it’s like my heart literally sinks, I can tell it’s not happy, but what do I do? I’m not ready to come clean about the way I feel about him because I don’t want to lose him totally but I know one of these days I am going to lose him. Its like everyday I’m waiting, waiting with baited breath because I know sooner or later he’s going to tell me he’s found ‘the one’ and it won’t be me. That he’ll introduce me to her and all I’ll be thinking is ‘she isn’t right for you’, that he’ll get married and whilst he’s moving on with his life, I’ll still be there hoping that he realises that he’s made a mistake. But see, I don’t want to get to a point in my life where I look around and everyone’s settled apart from me, that’s why I want to make amends now, I guess my constant thinking about it has driven me to be in this ‘funk’, I don’t know how its going to turn out but whatever happens, its all a part of my productive future right? Oh, I hope so… I really do.
- Gabrielle
Friday, September 08, 2006
Untitled.. Part I
Tumbling into bed and making passionate love, I felt as hot and sultry as the air around us. "you're gorgeous", Kevin panted. "So are you", I moaned. Wasn't this the perfect ending to the perfect holiday? Because I was a 19 year old student from North London, and i'd met Kevin on a two and half month holiday while visting my aunt on the beautiful, sunkissed island of Trinidad.
Kevin was 30 and although there was a substantial age difference it was never an issue. He worked in a bank and was planning on emigrating to London himself soon. We met on the beach, spending most of our time swimming or with him showing me the hottest nightclubs in town.
Four days before I was due to fly home, we were at Kevins two bedroom apartment. What started out as a simple meal ended with us sharing our first steamy night together...after that moment of passion I sat up from Kevin and began to cry. Confusion whirled inside me like a tornado, picking emotions and putting them in places they didnt belong.
what was i doing??...what about Maxwell??...I'm engaged!
Maxwell was the same age as me. He was sweet, funny and charming you know, the guy you want to take home to meet mum. Well, he was waiting for me back at our home in London. We were together for two years and our wedding was only seven months away. I told Kevin that I had someone back home. But he did'nt care and just told me that I was the only one for him and only he could truly sweep me off my feet, and in the time we were together he really did.
But even so, I dried my eyes and put my clothes back on in the knowledge that Maxwell was the one I was going to marry. So there was no guilt. I'd go back home, pretend this naughty "little blip" had never happened.
When I got back home it was clear Max had missed me as he tried to tempt to bed, I hesitated..."whats wrong?" he asked. "I'm tired," I lied. Truth was I just could'nt shake the thoughts of Kevin and that night. But I really wanted to forget him and move on with my future husband, so I threw myself into creating the perfect wedding. Four weeks on, i was driving when my phone rang....Kevin. "Im moving to London in three months, can we meet?" I dont think I even let him finish asking me before I said yes. Suddenly I wanted him more than ever, I wanted him so badly it scared me. I knew that I should'nt, mustn't....we'll just be friends, I convinced myself.
So when we met, that desire sprang back to life. "You look great" he smiled, his feelings hadn't changed either. I tried to maintain some distance, making smalll talk about Kevins shared flat and my wedding plans. Yet as I went to go back to Max, Kevin pleaded for us to meet again. "OK", I mummbled...what can I say, I was weak...a coward even, too cowardly to say NO or tell Max I was having doubts about getting hitched. I continued to secretly meet Kevin and our sexually charged conversations led to us picking up from that night in Trinidad. As cruel as it sounds when I was with Kevin any thoughts of Max simply disappeared in the shadows.
- SistaLova
Kevin was 30 and although there was a substantial age difference it was never an issue. He worked in a bank and was planning on emigrating to London himself soon. We met on the beach, spending most of our time swimming or with him showing me the hottest nightclubs in town.
Four days before I was due to fly home, we were at Kevins two bedroom apartment. What started out as a simple meal ended with us sharing our first steamy night together...after that moment of passion I sat up from Kevin and began to cry. Confusion whirled inside me like a tornado, picking emotions and putting them in places they didnt belong.
what was i doing??...what about Maxwell??...I'm engaged!
Maxwell was the same age as me. He was sweet, funny and charming you know, the guy you want to take home to meet mum. Well, he was waiting for me back at our home in London. We were together for two years and our wedding was only seven months away. I told Kevin that I had someone back home. But he did'nt care and just told me that I was the only one for him and only he could truly sweep me off my feet, and in the time we were together he really did.
But even so, I dried my eyes and put my clothes back on in the knowledge that Maxwell was the one I was going to marry. So there was no guilt. I'd go back home, pretend this naughty "little blip" had never happened.
When I got back home it was clear Max had missed me as he tried to tempt to bed, I hesitated..."whats wrong?" he asked. "I'm tired," I lied. Truth was I just could'nt shake the thoughts of Kevin and that night. But I really wanted to forget him and move on with my future husband, so I threw myself into creating the perfect wedding. Four weeks on, i was driving when my phone rang....Kevin. "Im moving to London in three months, can we meet?" I dont think I even let him finish asking me before I said yes. Suddenly I wanted him more than ever, I wanted him so badly it scared me. I knew that I should'nt, mustn't....we'll just be friends, I convinced myself.
So when we met, that desire sprang back to life. "You look great" he smiled, his feelings hadn't changed either. I tried to maintain some distance, making smalll talk about Kevins shared flat and my wedding plans. Yet as I went to go back to Max, Kevin pleaded for us to meet again. "OK", I mummbled...what can I say, I was weak...a coward even, too cowardly to say NO or tell Max I was having doubts about getting hitched. I continued to secretly meet Kevin and our sexually charged conversations led to us picking up from that night in Trinidad. As cruel as it sounds when I was with Kevin any thoughts of Max simply disappeared in the shadows.
- SistaLova
Monday, September 04, 2006
Writing Is Therapy...
Life has been...a bit of a bitch lately, making it hard for me to write something that makes sense and not like a crazy black woman. So excuse me while i have a "moment" to vent.
How did we end up here again?
Seems like arriving here is becoming a trend
In this situation we just can’t win
All good at the beginning . . . fucked up at the end
Two hearts are now broken just because they wouldn’t bend
You could of been my one true love
But right now I dont even want you as a friend
This time round I refuse to contemplate shoulda woulda coulda been’s
And play each other’s heartstrings like violins
Simply put...
My patience with this is wearing thin
And this chapter has now come to its natural end.
* Gabrielle you were right, I feel better already.
- SistaLova
How did we end up here again?
Seems like arriving here is becoming a trend
In this situation we just can’t win
All good at the beginning . . . fucked up at the end
Two hearts are now broken just because they wouldn’t bend
You could of been my one true love
But right now I dont even want you as a friend
This time round I refuse to contemplate shoulda woulda coulda been’s
And play each other’s heartstrings like violins
Simply put...
My patience with this is wearing thin
And this chapter has now come to its natural end.
* Gabrielle you were right, I feel better already.
- SistaLova
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Maturity
I think I’m becoming more and more mature everyday. I mean obviously I’m still that goofy, nonsensical girl but I think I’m starting to understand the world. As random as that statement seems I feel like I’ve found my place. I’m not saying that in finding my place I’m pleased with wherever I am now, because that’s not the case. I still have a lot of things to accomplish but I’ve summarised my whole character… and I think I understand why I’m the way I am.
Like, I used to get frustrated with myself, I used to despise my kind nature. I despised it because it was such a natural thing for me to do… be nice. You know for some people it takes a lot more than human nature to be nice to a person. And that’s an issue I was dealing with…. my kindness.
Kindness can be despised… I know that for sure. I despised it because I felt like there were times when I was being taken advantage of… I can’t describe it fully, but I felt like there were things that people did to me that they could not get away with elsewhere. And this was down to my kind nature… I wanted to be tough and unapproachable so that I wouldn’t be taken advantage of. I felt like my kindness was being taken for weakness and I didn’t like it.
Days and years of being nice to people and having my kind gestures thrown back into my face. To tell you the truth it hurt, it hurt so bad I wanted to cut off everybody I spoke to… at one point I did… I stopped talking, stopped socialising, stopped being me. Yes, I was depressed but I felt that by doing what I did I wouldn’t be hurt again.
It worked. It actually worked, but at what price. I had no friends… people would always ask for me and ask about me through my family… because they hadn’t seen me in so long but I didn’t care for them anymore. I’d had enough. My family were my friends, I guess it brought me closer to my siblings but coherently drew me from my friends.
I forgot how to socialise… I didn’t know what to say to a person, I didn’t know what to do. So parties, gatherings, and meetings basically, any event going on where I would have to talk was out of the question. All I would do is nod my head or give people a faint smile.
I thought I was hiding all this but in fact I was being blatantly obvious… such a drastic change from how I used to be. I guess mother’s intuition didn’t help either. My mum knew something was wrong from the get go… this upset me even more because I didn’t think I was showing any signs of withdrawal at home. But I guess I was. And so I confided in her as you do… and I explained how I felt.
Mothers are so wise and to them we owe mostly everything… the real gratitude goes to God obviously. She said to me that I am the way I am, nothing can be done about it. Yes, I might try and change but if that’s not the way God has made me, I can’t possibly change. In as much as I didn’t want to agree with her… I had to. My personality, my kind nature… even better my social ability… however much has been affected by society, still won’t defer me from being the way God made me. I refer back to that notion any time I’m upset…. well it helps me. I think I’m becoming more and more mature every day……
- Gabrielle
Like, I used to get frustrated with myself, I used to despise my kind nature. I despised it because it was such a natural thing for me to do… be nice. You know for some people it takes a lot more than human nature to be nice to a person. And that’s an issue I was dealing with…. my kindness.
Kindness can be despised… I know that for sure. I despised it because I felt like there were times when I was being taken advantage of… I can’t describe it fully, but I felt like there were things that people did to me that they could not get away with elsewhere. And this was down to my kind nature… I wanted to be tough and unapproachable so that I wouldn’t be taken advantage of. I felt like my kindness was being taken for weakness and I didn’t like it.
Days and years of being nice to people and having my kind gestures thrown back into my face. To tell you the truth it hurt, it hurt so bad I wanted to cut off everybody I spoke to… at one point I did… I stopped talking, stopped socialising, stopped being me. Yes, I was depressed but I felt that by doing what I did I wouldn’t be hurt again.
It worked. It actually worked, but at what price. I had no friends… people would always ask for me and ask about me through my family… because they hadn’t seen me in so long but I didn’t care for them anymore. I’d had enough. My family were my friends, I guess it brought me closer to my siblings but coherently drew me from my friends.
I forgot how to socialise… I didn’t know what to say to a person, I didn’t know what to do. So parties, gatherings, and meetings basically, any event going on where I would have to talk was out of the question. All I would do is nod my head or give people a faint smile.
I thought I was hiding all this but in fact I was being blatantly obvious… such a drastic change from how I used to be. I guess mother’s intuition didn’t help either. My mum knew something was wrong from the get go… this upset me even more because I didn’t think I was showing any signs of withdrawal at home. But I guess I was. And so I confided in her as you do… and I explained how I felt.
Mothers are so wise and to them we owe mostly everything… the real gratitude goes to God obviously. She said to me that I am the way I am, nothing can be done about it. Yes, I might try and change but if that’s not the way God has made me, I can’t possibly change. In as much as I didn’t want to agree with her… I had to. My personality, my kind nature… even better my social ability… however much has been affected by society, still won’t defer me from being the way God made me. I refer back to that notion any time I’m upset…. well it helps me. I think I’m becoming more and more mature every day……
- Gabrielle
Monday, August 14, 2006
My Emotions
I can only write about what I’m feeling, only truly express my emotions concerning an important matter. I’ve done some soul searching, been in constant thought about my future, and finally, after all my deep moments I can come to the conclusion that maybe its not necessary to know every single thing that’s going to happen in your future. Its not necessary to try and plan every little detail, because simply and truly not everything is going to run as clockwork… that’s just the way life is.
He came yesterday, after how many months of waiting for him to arrive. I don’t believe in love at first sight but when I saw him, I knew something had to happen between us, if we just became friends, or we became partners… I knew something had to happen. Its so hard to explain. When I used to see guys I used to get this weird feeling in my stomach and that used to happen when they were really cute, or when I hadn’t seen a guy I liked in ages or something, now… that doesn’t happen. Its like all those feelings I used to have, they’ve disappeared. But its like if I see a guy now, I can acknowledge how cute he is without being phased; I just go about my business, back to normal. But as soon as I saw HIM, its like my whole body just exhaled, I felt at peace… weird I know, if only I could make you guys feel exactly what I’m talking about.
But its like now I can see a guy and actually connect with him, beyond words or touching or whatever, that’s what happened with ‘him’. When I can jus look at this ‘guy’ and feel like there’s no one else in the room, or when this guy smiles and its like I would do anything to see that smile again, or when he says something and I dote on every word, or even when I look at him just once but yet seem to take in all his features. I don’t know whether this is real, it could just be affection from my side but can you imagine how blissful life is for those so deeply connected. It’s like everything could be going wrong for you at that moment, but seeing that person makes everything better. I don’t know whether this will become of anything, this might be the first and last meeting between us, all I know is my view of love has changed… and it doesn’t seem as bad as I used to think.
It took so long for him to come, but in a way I’m happy it did. He text me after our meeting … he felt the same way I did, it just makes it that much more meaningful.
- Gabrielle
He came yesterday, after how many months of waiting for him to arrive. I don’t believe in love at first sight but when I saw him, I knew something had to happen between us, if we just became friends, or we became partners… I knew something had to happen. Its so hard to explain. When I used to see guys I used to get this weird feeling in my stomach and that used to happen when they were really cute, or when I hadn’t seen a guy I liked in ages or something, now… that doesn’t happen. Its like all those feelings I used to have, they’ve disappeared. But its like if I see a guy now, I can acknowledge how cute he is without being phased; I just go about my business, back to normal. But as soon as I saw HIM, its like my whole body just exhaled, I felt at peace… weird I know, if only I could make you guys feel exactly what I’m talking about.
But its like now I can see a guy and actually connect with him, beyond words or touching or whatever, that’s what happened with ‘him’. When I can jus look at this ‘guy’ and feel like there’s no one else in the room, or when this guy smiles and its like I would do anything to see that smile again, or when he says something and I dote on every word, or even when I look at him just once but yet seem to take in all his features. I don’t know whether this is real, it could just be affection from my side but can you imagine how blissful life is for those so deeply connected. It’s like everything could be going wrong for you at that moment, but seeing that person makes everything better. I don’t know whether this will become of anything, this might be the first and last meeting between us, all I know is my view of love has changed… and it doesn’t seem as bad as I used to think.
It took so long for him to come, but in a way I’m happy it did. He text me after our meeting … he felt the same way I did, it just makes it that much more meaningful.
- Gabrielle
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
SexyBack Exclusive...
I promised you guys that as soon as it was out it would be on the site....so here it is. I have'nt had a chance to look @ it yet so i cant comment, but you lot can...Enjoy!
- Ms TooFly
Monday, July 24, 2006
The TooFly Review...
Method Man is back with a new album "4:21...The Day After" released on 29th August. The album features special guest appearances from Fat Joe, Styles P, Ginuwine and Redman with production by RZA, Erick Sermon, Scott Storch.
Eric Sermon provided the beat for the first single, "Say" featuring Lauryn Hill. This track is basically Method Man addressing critics, fickle fans and haters. Personally i'm loving this song, I swear I've been playing it non-stop. Im so happy to hear some new material from Lauryn Hill as well and cant wait for her to release a new album.
Enjoy...
Method Man Feat. Lauryn Hill - "Say"
P.S. Thanks to Hip Hop Ruckus for the track
- Ms TooFly
Friday, July 21, 2006
Yesterday
Yesterday was a turn of events for me. Let's start from the top:
I've been talking to this guy for a while now, I have to admit compared to the amount of time I spend concentrated on one guy, I've liked him for a long time. I mean I liked him when I started going out with my ex, I didn't act on it though because obviously I was in a relationship and I wasn't goint to be a 'cheater'.
So anyway, I was always talking to this guy, as a 'friend' but it only just heated up a few weeks back. Met up with him a few times, talked on the phone, blah blah blah... so there's me thinking I'm good to go, how wrong could I have been?
See my friends see me as the 'issue', but I'm starting to realise that it's not me at all... guys I talk to are usually on some 'pride' ish and wanna play games. Maybe I've been expecting too much from these guys but you can't help but hope that each guy you talk to will be different from the last. I hate being left in the dark, so I let you know from the get go whether I like you or not... and I expect the guy to do the same. But why is it so hard for a guy to express himself... I'm not asking you to lie to me, I'm asking you to tell me the truth. Be honest! If you don't like me, just say so. I seriously won't take offence, and I know I won't take offence because it's like me waiting around for something to develop between me and this guy and he doesnt even have feelings for me. Lol. I can't do that. I'd rather move on, as they say 'there's plenty more fish in the sea'. So why the hell is this guy... lets call him 'X' keeping me hanging around.
You're probably thinking... why don't you forget about him? Trust me, that has been an option but if I decide to make him a character of my past.. I can guarantee you he will never be in my future. Harsh, but that's the way I operate. Basically I dont want to forget about this guy, move on, and then him come back to me and express the way hes feeling. It's happened too many times... lol... actually it's the story of my life. Every guy I show interest in, they don't show me whatever they're thinking at that time, so then I move on. Then, a few months later, maybe even a year later, this guy pops out of the blue and wants to tell me he likes me... ok, so what do you want me to do about it? I really don't want this to continue. I mean how much longer can I take this? Anyway, I guess it'll stop when I get married right.... but who said I wanted to get married. Lol. OK OK... you guys know I'm playing right, of course I want to get married but why is it so much hassle to get to that point?
You know what I actually digressed from the point I was trying to make, I was supposed to talk about what happened to me yesterday. Ah well next post!
Til next time....
- Gabrielle
I've been talking to this guy for a while now, I have to admit compared to the amount of time I spend concentrated on one guy, I've liked him for a long time. I mean I liked him when I started going out with my ex, I didn't act on it though because obviously I was in a relationship and I wasn't goint to be a 'cheater'.
So anyway, I was always talking to this guy, as a 'friend' but it only just heated up a few weeks back. Met up with him a few times, talked on the phone, blah blah blah... so there's me thinking I'm good to go, how wrong could I have been?
See my friends see me as the 'issue', but I'm starting to realise that it's not me at all... guys I talk to are usually on some 'pride' ish and wanna play games. Maybe I've been expecting too much from these guys but you can't help but hope that each guy you talk to will be different from the last. I hate being left in the dark, so I let you know from the get go whether I like you or not... and I expect the guy to do the same. But why is it so hard for a guy to express himself... I'm not asking you to lie to me, I'm asking you to tell me the truth. Be honest! If you don't like me, just say so. I seriously won't take offence, and I know I won't take offence because it's like me waiting around for something to develop between me and this guy and he doesnt even have feelings for me. Lol. I can't do that. I'd rather move on, as they say 'there's plenty more fish in the sea'. So why the hell is this guy... lets call him 'X' keeping me hanging around.
You're probably thinking... why don't you forget about him? Trust me, that has been an option but if I decide to make him a character of my past.. I can guarantee you he will never be in my future. Harsh, but that's the way I operate. Basically I dont want to forget about this guy, move on, and then him come back to me and express the way hes feeling. It's happened too many times... lol... actually it's the story of my life. Every guy I show interest in, they don't show me whatever they're thinking at that time, so then I move on. Then, a few months later, maybe even a year later, this guy pops out of the blue and wants to tell me he likes me... ok, so what do you want me to do about it? I really don't want this to continue. I mean how much longer can I take this? Anyway, I guess it'll stop when I get married right.... but who said I wanted to get married. Lol. OK OK... you guys know I'm playing right, of course I want to get married but why is it so much hassle to get to that point?
You know what I actually digressed from the point I was trying to make, I was supposed to talk about what happened to me yesterday. Ah well next post!
Til next time....
- Gabrielle
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Resistance is the Key!!
Having a guy best friend is so beneficial to me especially when I'm just so clueless about 'the game theory.' LOL. Talking to him makes me feel better, just seeing his side of things lets me know how guys think. Why they behave the way they do? A lesson I've learnt from him - RESISTANCE.
I'm gonna be honest and say that Gabrielle did lose her cool a few months back. I was totally intrigued by some guy I knew, lost contact with and bumped into again. I thought he could be the ONE, I thought he could be good to me, I thought he would be the one to make me feel complete. BLAH BLAH BLAH. As I said Gabrielle lost her cool, I really did. It got to the point where I was frustrated with the guy for not showing as much interest as I was. But thinking about it, I can't blame him.
My b.f. told me that I had to lay off, play it cool. That's exactly what I did. Text, calls, emails - now don't even laugh or anything (emails were forward messages) - I just didn't forward emails to him, so yeah that's what I did.
I absolutely love my b.f. for that simple piece of info cos after I did that the guy started calling me, texting me, he even asked 'have I offended you in any way?' LOL.
The tables had turned, but by that time I was over him - you know how I am. Shame!
- Gabrielle
I'm gonna be honest and say that Gabrielle did lose her cool a few months back. I was totally intrigued by some guy I knew, lost contact with and bumped into again. I thought he could be the ONE, I thought he could be good to me, I thought he would be the one to make me feel complete. BLAH BLAH BLAH. As I said Gabrielle lost her cool, I really did. It got to the point where I was frustrated with the guy for not showing as much interest as I was. But thinking about it, I can't blame him.
My b.f. told me that I had to lay off, play it cool. That's exactly what I did. Text, calls, emails - now don't even laugh or anything (emails were forward messages) - I just didn't forward emails to him, so yeah that's what I did.
I absolutely love my b.f. for that simple piece of info cos after I did that the guy started calling me, texting me, he even asked 'have I offended you in any way?' LOL.
The tables had turned, but by that time I was over him - you know how I am. Shame!
- Gabrielle
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
The TooFly Review
Im so glad Sunshine Anderson is back, "Heard It All Before" is definately on the soundtrack to my life! This is a big tune and a much needed anthem for the ladies...shout out to Kevin for the track. Enjoy!Something I Want To Give You - Sunshine Anderson
- Ms TooFly
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Its Deja Vu
Hey People! Beyonce's next single is "Deja Vu" and the video is going to be exclusively shown on Channel 4 @ 9.00 / 10.00 pm on Friday. But i've managed to get the video here first because im fly like that...hence the name!
I think its alright...not amazing, but i know some of you will disagree. Anyway remember where you saw it first and leave a comment!!
- Ms TooFly
I think its alright...not amazing, but i know some of you will disagree. Anyway remember where you saw it first and leave a comment!!
- Ms TooFly
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Lend Me Your Ears!
picture courtesy of Funky Media...thanks!You may recognise these girls from a video we had on the site a while ago featuring Sean Paul from the YoungBloodZ called "Do it to it". Cherish are a group of sisters Farrah, Neosha and twins Felicia and Fallon they've been around for a while working with Jermaine Dupri. I've heard 3 or 4 songs that i thought were cool, but im not sure if they have that "staying power" to be the next big girl group. Mainly because their sound is so typical of what is happening right now and i dont really see any originality. But whatever, they might come with something that will blow me away...im just not seeing it yet. Anyway check it for yourself...
"Unappreciated"
"Show and Tell"
So the NinaSky girls are back with a second album...cant say i missed them. Sorry but they didnt really do anything for me. This song explains my feelings towards them, i mean they always seem to jump on the bandwagon of what is selling big at that particular time. What happened to being different, fresh and funky???...because i know a few of you like them i put their new track up featuring Rick Ross. I am too nice!
"Flippin' That"
Missez is another new girl group comprised of 3 members Tomi, Keysha and Rashe'. They're getting heavy rotation in the US with the track "Love Song" featuring Pimp C...nice track but i could of done without hearing Pimp C. They claim to be what music is missing, check out their possible next release "Girl To Get" and make your own descison."Girl To Get"
She was featured in Lil Flip's Summer anthem "Sunshine". Well, the girl is now working on her debut album and is signed to Blackground Records (Jojo, Toni Braxton...). Im happy that shes making moves to be more than just a featured artist, shes got a good production team behind her and should do really well."I Give U My Heart"
"I'm Gone"
"Read My Mind"
"U Can't Handle This"
Bonus Tracks:
Marques Houston...is gonna release a third album later this year, this could be the first single off it.
"Like This" Featuring Yung Joc
Janet Jackson is 20 years old again!....im really lookin forward to her new album. Her comeback is gonna be huge!
"Call On Me" Featuring Nelly
The Clipse are back, you've seen the video on our playlist...enjoy!
"Mr Me Too", The Clipse
Remember Zena? she was in Mis-Teeq when they first came out and left the group before they scored their first hit...Yes? well she decided she wanted to go solo, and teamed with producers RedZone and Full Crew (among others) and made an album...yeah it was news to me too. This was because it was only on Japanese release (pissed). Well 1, 2 step Ciara co-wrote track 3 and 5, and even did background vocals on 3. But ill talk about that more in my next post and if your nice to me i might even post the album.
Peace
- Ms TooFly
Fly Video!!
Ms Dynamite has returned with a reggae influenced tune, "When I Fall in Love"....i miss her as a emcee, but it seems the singing thing is working for her. Not really a fan of her singing voice but shes still fly and so is this video.
Enjoy!
- Ms TooFly
Enjoy!
- Ms TooFly
Monday, July 10, 2006
Brand New Outkast...
Hey People! Hot, new Outkast tracks for ya...its coming out on the soundtrack for their new film "Idlewild" (click to watch the trailer). It looks really good but you know it'll take forever to come over here! I've had the songs for a while..but for some reason i only got time to post it now. My personal favourite is Big Boi's "Morris Brown"
But im still loving Andre with "Idelwild Blues"
P.S. If you want you think your music is fly enough to be on this site or the soon coming.."TooFly Experience". Send us an email by going on our profile.
Peace
- Ms TooFly
Sunday, July 09, 2006
The TooFly Review
Do you now who Keri Hilson is?...err nah? You might not recognise her name but you've definately heard her music. Shes written for the likes of Mary J Blige, Ciara, Usher, Pussycat Dolls, Avant, Kelly Rowland, Justin Timberlake the list goes on. You might remember her featuring on Xzibit's "Hey Now (Mean Muggin')", she also had a cameo appearance on Nelly Futardo's hot track "Promiscuous Girl". Shes signed to Timbaland's label Mosley Music Group which is in association with Interscope Records. From what i'be heard so far i think shes gonna have a really fly album. This particular track is a slow tempo one but im feeling her style & looking forward to hearing more from her.
"Come Clean" - Keri Hilson
So its been nearly four years since the release of his debut solo album, "Justified", now he is back with a new album with production from hot producers Rick Rubin, Will.I.Am and Timberland entitled..."FutureSex/LoveSounds",
The first single is called "Sexy Back"
It's got a very sexy, electronic, and retro sort of feel. It's also a bit left-field for what's topping the charts these days, im pretty sure that there's gonna be alot of hype over the release of this album.
Anyway I hear that he has filmed the video to this track in Barcelona....as soon as its out you know it'll be on this site!
"Sexy Back" - Justin Timberlake
I've been waiting forever (ok...2 Looong years!) for the follow up to Lyfe Jennings debut album "Lyfe 268-192," that album was on heavy rotation for a good 6 months! Well im pleased to say that August 15th is the release date for his sophomore album, "The Phoenix." The album includes a new version of Tupac's anthem "Keep Ya Head Up" and the first single release will be "S.E.X.". Im happy about this because i love this track. The lyrically content has a really important message for young girls and women in general.
"I've wanted to write this song for a long time," Jennings previously told Billboard.com of the track. "[It's about girls] being confused by all the sudden attention when they start developing physically but not mentally."
"S.E.X." - Lyfe
Bonus Tracks:
- Amerie
"Some Like It"
- Pharoache Monach
"We Must Be In Love"
"Lets Go"
The tracks are only up for a limited time
- Ms TooFly
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
"Breaking Up Is Hard To Do"....Maybe Not
Hey people!!...have you ever gone through a break up and needed music that completely expressed your situation and feelings?...
Well a friend of mine did and to help him feel better we both created a list for the top break up songs ever made. You can download a few of the tracks...just click on the title.
"How I Feel",Brandy -Aphrodisiac
Is he or she not as attentive as they used to be. They stopped returning phone calls, stopped spending that quality time that’s necessary for a relationship to work. Well seems like you may be headed for a break up.
“You Used To Be So Attentive
Call Me At Least Twice A Day
But Now I Have No Support, No Incentive
To Keep Me Lovin You This Way”
"Emotional Rollercoaster" , Vivian Green
Its up its down, basically you never really know where you are with that special one. But you do know that your not happy...Vivica Knows too.
"Yesterday I told myself I was gonna be ok.
Gonna start a new day be truely happy
I was gonna take control of me
but eventually reality hit me
mentally, physically, emotionally
and I opened my eyes and realised
That I was still be taken for constant ride"
"Pleasure and Pain", 112 -112
Is your loved one different? Are there more bad times than good ones?...
“Why do you make me feel this way
Feeling betrayed, feeling pushed away
Why do you make me feel so bad
Feeling so hurt, feeling so sad
What have I done to make you turn
I'm feeling so lost, I'm feeling so burned
If you really cared you'd make a change
So I could feel the pleasure and not the pain”
"Busted", Isley Brothers - Body Kiss
Its like an episode of that dodgy US show "Cheaters" and you've been caught with your pants down...lol. Or you know that they're lying because nothing they say makes any sense.
"Now earlier (hmmm) you said dancing (uhhh)
But when I just asked (hmmm) you said shopping (uhhh)
Tell me which one you were doing
(Oh baby I must be confused)
Yeah right you real confused"
"Seperated", Usher
It’s just not working out no matter what you do. You’ve come to the understanding that you’ll never get it together and you realise that you’re better off apart.
“ Why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life
And I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well
And I'll be fine
Cuz we're better off...separated”
"Love’s a Game" , Marques Houston - MH
Is love a game that you just can’t seem to win.
“loves a game
I played and lost
should have learned my lesson yesterday
when yesterday was far away
and loves a game
I payed the cost
should have learned my lesson yesterday
but yesterday was so so far away”
"Stay or Leave" , Dave Matthews Band
It’s over. . .you don’t want it to be. . .but it is. That special Person is leaving and you know that you shouldn’t stop them because your time together has finally ended. This song speaks to a “good” breakup (if there is such a thing) Here’s a little insight. . .
“Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you should
It was good,
as good goes
Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you did”
"Through With You", Maroon 5 - Songs About Jane
Have you lost the trust in your relationship? Do you not believe the sweet words of love your he /she says? Are you just TIRED of having to deal with it?
“Cause saying I love you
Has nothing to do with meaning it
And I don't trust you
Cause every time you're here
Your intentions are unclear
I spend every hour
waiting for a phone call
That I know will never come
I used to think you were the one
Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all”
"Try It On My Own", Whitney Houston
Are you tired of depending on the same dead-end relationship? Has that relationship made you into someone you’re not? Are you ready to move forward and not look back.
“It's over now
I can't go back to living through your eyes
Too many lies
And if you don’t know by now
I can’t go back to being someone else
not anymore
I never had the chance to do things my way
So now it's time for me to take control”
"Can’t Make You Love Me", This song has several artists that sing it . . .I prefer the Prince and Will Downing version. . .but if you’re into country music Bonnie Raitt also has a version
Have you tried everything? You’ve used all your resources yet you feel the person you love isn’t affected?
“I can't make you love me
if you don't
You can't make your heart feel
something it won't
Here in the dark
in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
but you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me"
if you don’t”
"I Wish I Wasn’t", Heather Headley
Ladies is he hanging out more and taking care of home less? Do you want to leave but you’re torn because you just love the man so much? Heather Headley has been there too...
”when you touch me my heart melts
And everything you did wrong I forget
So you play me and take advantage
Of the love that I feel for you
Why you wanna hurt me so bad
I believed in you that’ why I’m so mad
Now I’m drowning in disappointment,
and it’s hard for me to even look at you”
"If", Destiny’s Child
Are you fed up and refuse to take it anymore? Fed up with all the drama that’s been going on in your current relationship? Do you want to tell that person that they’re going to miss you when you’re gone.
“If you don’t know
Now you know you’re gonna miss (my love)
And I ain’t stressing bout a dog gone thing
Cuz I was true when I gave you (my love)
My love.
If you search you will never find another love like (my love)
You’re gonna miss me.
I ain’t got time while you sit around and play with my (my love)
My love.”
"Maybe Just Maybe", Lemar - Time To Grow
This break up might be a mistake...if you try you just might work it out. No, you made the right decision...right??
"Maybe this was meant to be
Maybe we should try and see
Maybe just maybe it's as far as we should go
Maybe it's a big mistake
Maybe we should walk away
Maybe just maybe we'll never know"
"Ain’t Gonna Beg You", Fantasia
Your always having to work the hardest to make it work...constantly being tested and having to prove yourself.
“Every time I need someone to be there when I had me one of them crazy days
(I aint gon beg you)
Everytime I want someone to treat me like they always said they were gonna treat me like
(I aint gon beg you)
cause I let you slide before
but I see you aint gon learn
since you like to play with fire
then I'ma let us burn
boy you (aint nothin)
gon miss (my lovin)
the last time was the last time
so I'm through with you”
"I Miss You", Boys II Men
You refuse to believe that your love can just end and you still think they're coming back...
"Is it turning over this time
Have we really changed our minds about each other's love
All the feelings that we used to share
I refuse to believe
That you don't care"
"Someone", JS
STILL in a dead end relationship. . . but you’re seeing someone else who treats you like a queen or a king?
“Now baby, you used to introduce me
To the finer thangs
The passion that we shared was
Straight off the chain
Thought I would never feel that way again
Convinced myself I was to blame
(He) touches me like you used to do
(And he) loves me like you used to do
(Baby) he wants to replace you
And I gotta do what I gotta do
I'm sorry”
"I Hate U",, Prince - The Gold Experience
You have a love/hate relationship with the man or woman in your life. They do things to you but you constantly forgive. You love them dearly but you HATE the things they do.
“Did U do 2 your other men
The same things that U did 2 me?
Right now I hate U so much
I wanna make love
until U see
That it's killin' me baby
2 be without U
Cuz all I ever wanted 2 do
was 2 be with U
I hate U
because I love U
But I can't love U
because I hate U...”
"Liar Liar", Latocha Scott - Best Man Soundtrack
He said he’d always be true. . . but guess what he lied. Are you going crazy because your "man" cheated? Latocha Scott knows your pain. . .
"Listen to the sound of me breaking down, down, down
Can't you hear me losing my mind?
Everything that's everything is nothing
And I can't tell your truth from your lies
This is the sound of me breaking down, down, down
Over and over again in my head
You're a liar, a liar, a liar"
"Ex Factor", Lauryn Hill - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Sometimes it's just TOO hard to let it go. You find yourself in major conflict. . . heart saying one thing, mind saying another. We've all been there...
"It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will"
"Anything But Down", Sheryl Crow
You love them however your relationship is unhealthy, you never get a lift from being around him or her.
"You are a raging sea
I pull myself out everyday
I plea insanity
Cause I can't leave
but I can't stay
You say, won't you come find me
and yes is what I say
You don't bring me anything but down
You don't bring me anything but down
Everything is crashing to the ground"
More Break-up Songs
Almost Doesn’t Count- Brandy
Doin Just Fine- Boyz II Men
End of the Road- Boyz II Men
Give Me One Reason- Tracy Chapman
Hit The Road Jack- Ray Charles
I Can’t Sleep- R Kelly
Love Takes Time- Mariah Carey
Everybody Hurts- REM
When It’s Over- Sugar Ray
Me Myself and I- Beyonce
After The Love Has Gone- Earth Wind and Fire
Used To Be My Girl- Ojays
Aint No Sunshine- Bill Withers
Yester-me Yester-you Yesterday- Stevie Wonder
Charlene -Anthony Hamilton
This is only a few songs that we came up with, add any songs that you think should be included.
Enjoy!
P.S. Sound Files only stay up for 7 days
- SistaLova
Well a friend of mine did and to help him feel better we both created a list for the top break up songs ever made. You can download a few of the tracks...just click on the title.
"How I Feel",Brandy -Aphrodisiac
Is he or she not as attentive as they used to be. They stopped returning phone calls, stopped spending that quality time that’s necessary for a relationship to work. Well seems like you may be headed for a break up.
“You Used To Be So Attentive
Call Me At Least Twice A Day
But Now I Have No Support, No Incentive
To Keep Me Lovin You This Way”
"Emotional Rollercoaster" , Vivian Green
Its up its down, basically you never really know where you are with that special one. But you do know that your not happy...Vivica Knows too.
"Yesterday I told myself I was gonna be ok.
Gonna start a new day be truely happy
I was gonna take control of me
but eventually reality hit me
mentally, physically, emotionally
and I opened my eyes and realised
That I was still be taken for constant ride"
"Pleasure and Pain", 112 -112
Is your loved one different? Are there more bad times than good ones?...
“Why do you make me feel this way
Feeling betrayed, feeling pushed away
Why do you make me feel so bad
Feeling so hurt, feeling so sad
What have I done to make you turn
I'm feeling so lost, I'm feeling so burned
If you really cared you'd make a change
So I could feel the pleasure and not the pain”
"Busted", Isley Brothers - Body Kiss
Its like an episode of that dodgy US show "Cheaters" and you've been caught with your pants down...lol. Or you know that they're lying because nothing they say makes any sense.
"Now earlier (hmmm) you said dancing (uhhh)
But when I just asked (hmmm) you said shopping (uhhh)
Tell me which one you were doing
(Oh baby I must be confused)
Yeah right you real confused"
"Seperated", Usher
It’s just not working out no matter what you do. You’ve come to the understanding that you’ll never get it together and you realise that you’re better off apart.
“ Why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life
And I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well
And I'll be fine
Cuz we're better off...separated”
"Love’s a Game" , Marques Houston - MH
Is love a game that you just can’t seem to win.
“loves a game
I played and lost
should have learned my lesson yesterday
when yesterday was far away
and loves a game
I payed the cost
should have learned my lesson yesterday
but yesterday was so so far away”
"Stay or Leave" , Dave Matthews Band
It’s over. . .you don’t want it to be. . .but it is. That special Person is leaving and you know that you shouldn’t stop them because your time together has finally ended. This song speaks to a “good” breakup (if there is such a thing) Here’s a little insight. . .
“Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you should
It was good,
as good goes
Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you did”
"Through With You", Maroon 5 - Songs About Jane
Have you lost the trust in your relationship? Do you not believe the sweet words of love your he /she says? Are you just TIRED of having to deal with it?
“Cause saying I love you
Has nothing to do with meaning it
And I don't trust you
Cause every time you're here
Your intentions are unclear
I spend every hour
waiting for a phone call
That I know will never come
I used to think you were the one
Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all”
"Try It On My Own", Whitney Houston
Are you tired of depending on the same dead-end relationship? Has that relationship made you into someone you’re not? Are you ready to move forward and not look back.
“It's over now
I can't go back to living through your eyes
Too many lies
And if you don’t know by now
I can’t go back to being someone else
not anymore
I never had the chance to do things my way
So now it's time for me to take control”
"Can’t Make You Love Me", This song has several artists that sing it . . .I prefer the Prince and Will Downing version. . .but if you’re into country music Bonnie Raitt also has a version
Have you tried everything? You’ve used all your resources yet you feel the person you love isn’t affected?
“I can't make you love me
if you don't
You can't make your heart feel
something it won't
Here in the dark
in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
but you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me"
if you don’t”
"I Wish I Wasn’t", Heather Headley
Ladies is he hanging out more and taking care of home less? Do you want to leave but you’re torn because you just love the man so much? Heather Headley has been there too...
”when you touch me my heart melts
And everything you did wrong I forget
So you play me and take advantage
Of the love that I feel for you
Why you wanna hurt me so bad
I believed in you that’ why I’m so mad
Now I’m drowning in disappointment,
and it’s hard for me to even look at you”
"If", Destiny’s Child
Are you fed up and refuse to take it anymore? Fed up with all the drama that’s been going on in your current relationship? Do you want to tell that person that they’re going to miss you when you’re gone.
“If you don’t know
Now you know you’re gonna miss (my love)
And I ain’t stressing bout a dog gone thing
Cuz I was true when I gave you (my love)
My love.
If you search you will never find another love like (my love)
You’re gonna miss me.
I ain’t got time while you sit around and play with my (my love)
My love.”
"Maybe Just Maybe", Lemar - Time To Grow
This break up might be a mistake...if you try you just might work it out. No, you made the right decision...right??
"Maybe this was meant to be
Maybe we should try and see
Maybe just maybe it's as far as we should go
Maybe it's a big mistake
Maybe we should walk away
Maybe just maybe we'll never know"
"Ain’t Gonna Beg You", Fantasia
Your always having to work the hardest to make it work...constantly being tested and having to prove yourself.
“Every time I need someone to be there when I had me one of them crazy days
(I aint gon beg you)
Everytime I want someone to treat me like they always said they were gonna treat me like
(I aint gon beg you)
cause I let you slide before
but I see you aint gon learn
since you like to play with fire
then I'ma let us burn
boy you (aint nothin)
gon miss (my lovin)
the last time was the last time
so I'm through with you”
"I Miss You", Boys II Men
You refuse to believe that your love can just end and you still think they're coming back...
"Is it turning over this time
Have we really changed our minds about each other's love
All the feelings that we used to share
I refuse to believe
That you don't care"
"Someone", JS
STILL in a dead end relationship. . . but you’re seeing someone else who treats you like a queen or a king?
“Now baby, you used to introduce me
To the finer thangs
The passion that we shared was
Straight off the chain
Thought I would never feel that way again
Convinced myself I was to blame
(He) touches me like you used to do
(And he) loves me like you used to do
(Baby) he wants to replace you
And I gotta do what I gotta do
I'm sorry”
"I Hate U",, Prince - The Gold Experience
You have a love/hate relationship with the man or woman in your life. They do things to you but you constantly forgive. You love them dearly but you HATE the things they do.
“Did U do 2 your other men
The same things that U did 2 me?
Right now I hate U so much
I wanna make love
until U see
That it's killin' me baby
2 be without U
Cuz all I ever wanted 2 do
was 2 be with U
I hate U
because I love U
But I can't love U
because I hate U...”
"Liar Liar", Latocha Scott - Best Man Soundtrack
He said he’d always be true. . . but guess what he lied. Are you going crazy because your "man" cheated? Latocha Scott knows your pain. . .
"Listen to the sound of me breaking down, down, down
Can't you hear me losing my mind?
Everything that's everything is nothing
And I can't tell your truth from your lies
This is the sound of me breaking down, down, down
Over and over again in my head
You're a liar, a liar, a liar"
"Ex Factor", Lauryn Hill - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Sometimes it's just TOO hard to let it go. You find yourself in major conflict. . . heart saying one thing, mind saying another. We've all been there...
"It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will"
"Anything But Down", Sheryl Crow
You love them however your relationship is unhealthy, you never get a lift from being around him or her.
"You are a raging sea
I pull myself out everyday
I plea insanity
Cause I can't leave
but I can't stay
You say, won't you come find me
and yes is what I say
You don't bring me anything but down
You don't bring me anything but down
Everything is crashing to the ground"
More Break-up Songs
Almost Doesn’t Count- Brandy
Doin Just Fine- Boyz II Men
End of the Road- Boyz II Men
Give Me One Reason- Tracy Chapman
Hit The Road Jack- Ray Charles
I Can’t Sleep- R Kelly
Love Takes Time- Mariah Carey
Everybody Hurts- REM
When It’s Over- Sugar Ray
Me Myself and I- Beyonce
After The Love Has Gone- Earth Wind and Fire
Used To Be My Girl- Ojays
Aint No Sunshine- Bill Withers
Yester-me Yester-you Yesterday- Stevie Wonder
Charlene -Anthony Hamilton
This is only a few songs that we came up with, add any songs that you think should be included.
Enjoy!
P.S. Sound Files only stay up for 7 days
- SistaLova
Monday, July 03, 2006
Feelings of my Past
I always feel like I make you unhappy
Like I'm not fully pleasing you
Its upsetting 'cos I really want to
But I don't know whether I'm capable
of looking after and pleasing you in
the way you desire.
There's always something I'm doing wrong
There's always something I'm being corrected on
I feel like you're expecting me to be
Someone I'm not
Someone I haven't developed into yet
I feel so much pressure on me
And its suffocating
I can't stand not getting things right
And it seems like I'm always getting
it wrong.
Forever being corrected
Forever being judged for what I'm not doing
By you and your close friends.
I feel like I'm being subjected
to this because....
Because I don't know
But it's like I thought I was doing good
And I actually think I did more harm.
In all honesty I think your friends can
look after you far better than I can.
Its evident in the way you talk about them
and the way they look after you.
My name is GABRIELLE... soon to be 20
and truly I think you expect much more of me
then what I actually am
or what I can actually do for you.
Overall I feel like I'm far from
pleasing you,
upsetting you rather.
And that upsets me.
And I don't know whether I
Can carry on feeling like I
have no purpose or no
significance.
You have everything you need
Friends, really good friends who
Love you
And I can't measure up.
I don't think I measure up
I'm trying so hard, I AM.
Its just so hard for me to
show affection through my actions.
And I don't want you to feel like
I'm a burden anymore
I want you to be happy.
Thats my heart desire, for you to be happy.
And I don't think I'm doing that
I don't think I can make you happy.
Maybe I still have some growing to do.
I dont know what it is,
I just want you to be happy.
I wrote this to my ex, never showed it to him though, found it whilst cleaning out my room. Made me sit down and reminisce, brought back memories of exactly what I was going through, exactly what I was feeling... just took me back to a 'Gabrielle' I no longer want to know, took me back to a 'Gabrielle' I buried a while ago. Just thought to share... you know how I do.
- Gabrielle x
Like I'm not fully pleasing you
Its upsetting 'cos I really want to
But I don't know whether I'm capable
of looking after and pleasing you in
the way you desire.
There's always something I'm doing wrong
There's always something I'm being corrected on
I feel like you're expecting me to be
Someone I'm not
Someone I haven't developed into yet
I feel so much pressure on me
And its suffocating
I can't stand not getting things right
And it seems like I'm always getting
it wrong.
Forever being corrected
Forever being judged for what I'm not doing
By you and your close friends.
I feel like I'm being subjected
to this because....
Because I don't know
But it's like I thought I was doing good
And I actually think I did more harm.
In all honesty I think your friends can
look after you far better than I can.
Its evident in the way you talk about them
and the way they look after you.
My name is GABRIELLE... soon to be 20
and truly I think you expect much more of me
then what I actually am
or what I can actually do for you.
Overall I feel like I'm far from
pleasing you,
upsetting you rather.
And that upsets me.
And I don't know whether I
Can carry on feeling like I
have no purpose or no
significance.
You have everything you need
Friends, really good friends who
Love you
And I can't measure up.
I don't think I measure up
I'm trying so hard, I AM.
Its just so hard for me to
show affection through my actions.
And I don't want you to feel like
I'm a burden anymore
I want you to be happy.
Thats my heart desire, for you to be happy.
And I don't think I'm doing that
I don't think I can make you happy.
Maybe I still have some growing to do.
I dont know what it is,
I just want you to be happy.
I wrote this to my ex, never showed it to him though, found it whilst cleaning out my room. Made me sit down and reminisce, brought back memories of exactly what I was going through, exactly what I was feeling... just took me back to a 'Gabrielle' I no longer want to know, took me back to a 'Gabrielle' I buried a while ago. Just thought to share... you know how I do.
- Gabrielle x
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Presenting the Toofly Experience......
Hey people, as you know over the past 3 or 4 months a few changes have happened on this site e.g. adding the music videos...basically changing the whole layout.
Well being the fly group of divas that we are. A few members of the team have come together to create an additional blog that focuses on Music and fashion. The site is still under construction, but we will be doing a few music and fashion reviews in the upcoming weeks on this site.
So if you have any music that you wanna promote or have a good eye for fashion, just go on our profile and send us an email.
Peace
*If you are having problems sending us certain music files, send it to us @ www.myspace.com/mstoofly*
- AfroDivas
Well being the fly group of divas that we are. A few members of the team have come together to create an additional blog that focuses on Music and fashion. The site is still under construction, but we will be doing a few music and fashion reviews in the upcoming weeks on this site.
So if you have any music that you wanna promote or have a good eye for fashion, just go on our profile and send us an email.
Peace
*If you are having problems sending us certain music files, send it to us @ www.myspace.com/mstoofly*
- AfroDivas
Friday, June 23, 2006
Just thinking...
So I've had a lot of time to think, a lot of time to reminisce and look back on the way I've grown, mistakes I've made etc. Having recently just opened my eyes, no longer walking around with my eyes wide shut.
This growth, sudden sense of maturity came about whilst reading an urban novel. The actual novel didn't catch my eye or make me sit up and pay attention. Its lack of creativity and constant stereotypes is exactly what urged me to mature.
The book was filled with immature connotations of success and a limited view on what people in the 'ghetto' see as success. Drugs, guns, sex etc and yes its common but its not the be all and end all.
So anyway, this book did put across a few good points which did make me look deeper into my perception of things. Sit still for like 5-10 minutes and see where your mind takes you. I did that exercise and found myself thinking about friends, family, money and soulmates. In just those 10 minutes I was thinking about nearly everything under the sun.
FRIENDS - I actually only have a few. Gabrielle has only ever known numbers. The more friends, the better but out of those people not even half of them would have my back like I have theirs. Sad init, but its reality. How many of us are stuck in dead end friendships?
FAMILY - Outside of my immediate family, I don't have any. I have like 3 cousins that I see regularly but other aunts, uncles and cousins are disregarded. My dad was one child out of 8, and yet I haven't seen my cousins since I was 12 (nearly 8 yrs ago). People move on, so have I.
MONEY - As you know money is the root of all evil, but without it, what can you achieve? I mean the reason why we're going through the education system is to make sure we live comfortably in the future. How would that be possible without money? Obviously I know that God can make anything happen but all these things I'm mentioning are things I thought about in 10 mins.
SOULMATES - Constantly reminded that it doesn't matter how long a couple are together, if you're not meant to be together... you won't
Just thinking...
- Gabrielle
This growth, sudden sense of maturity came about whilst reading an urban novel. The actual novel didn't catch my eye or make me sit up and pay attention. Its lack of creativity and constant stereotypes is exactly what urged me to mature.
The book was filled with immature connotations of success and a limited view on what people in the 'ghetto' see as success. Drugs, guns, sex etc and yes its common but its not the be all and end all.
So anyway, this book did put across a few good points which did make me look deeper into my perception of things. Sit still for like 5-10 minutes and see where your mind takes you. I did that exercise and found myself thinking about friends, family, money and soulmates. In just those 10 minutes I was thinking about nearly everything under the sun.
FRIENDS - I actually only have a few. Gabrielle has only ever known numbers. The more friends, the better but out of those people not even half of them would have my back like I have theirs. Sad init, but its reality. How many of us are stuck in dead end friendships?
FAMILY - Outside of my immediate family, I don't have any. I have like 3 cousins that I see regularly but other aunts, uncles and cousins are disregarded. My dad was one child out of 8, and yet I haven't seen my cousins since I was 12 (nearly 8 yrs ago). People move on, so have I.
MONEY - As you know money is the root of all evil, but without it, what can you achieve? I mean the reason why we're going through the education system is to make sure we live comfortably in the future. How would that be possible without money? Obviously I know that God can make anything happen but all these things I'm mentioning are things I thought about in 10 mins.
SOULMATES - Constantly reminded that it doesn't matter how long a couple are together, if you're not meant to be together... you won't
Just thinking...
- Gabrielle
Thursday, June 15, 2006
So Have You Ever??
Have you ever been in love?
I mean............. LOVE, love?
Not no little year 7 crush, hidin' your face so
SHE
dont see you blush type of love.
I'm talkin' bout LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUVE
the type to knock you out cold in broad daylight
the type that sometimes makes you want to FIGHT
cause the bite can get too bitter
making you litter your thoughts with crap you NEVER EVER would have
bought if it was being sold.
bold love, leaving you naked, wishing your mind can FAKE IT
cause in the end you know your little old heart won't be able to TAKE IT
type of love....
Well,
This girl...this woman....chick, whateva you wanna call her
Anyway,
this......woman, this...stupid girl had me.
I mean,
this girl...I loved her like I love music,
loved her like I love breathin',
like I love breakfast.
Like breakfast, man!! Fucking eatin'!!!
and, as sure as my heart was beatin'.......it felt, right.
I'd close my eyes and still see bright lights,
No lie. When thinking of us, I'd picture grandkids.
yes....Grandkids!!
In my mind, we were like twin trains on the same track, heading towards
each other at tremendous speed, destined for collison.
I envisioned a crash.
A crash with a blast intense enough to split the fuckin' sun in half.
Sparks would fly, and we would lie in the aftermath,
her I and she me, we'd...........damn. We'd be.........happy.
But,
the tracks.....somehow they didn't connect
Maybe my wiring was faulty,
But, I gave my all, you can't fault me,
if not me.......... then where should fault be???
Then I thought,
Love probably played a trick
Wanted to see what good old BruthaDiva would do when things got thick.
And....honestly, I PANICKED
My thoughts, my actions, MANIC.
I didnt know what to do,
and at night, her shadow GREW. Taunting me with mirages, massauges,
and the PAIN.......actually I don't really wanna talk about the pain.
This stupid chick, though.
I....I really, honestly still think that we could....
Actually, it's not even could, it's kind of more like should....
This love shit, man, it's funny.
Its like a fuckin' disease, one that stays forever...without a cure
Am I bitter? Yes and No.
I mean, I still love her flow
but......I don't know where to go from here.
It aint like breakfast no more, but with time it could be,
and again, it...it really seems like it almost SHOULD be.
Damn.......Love is love, for real. It aint nothing else.
I'm a ask ya'll again, and be real this time........
Have you ever been in love?
- BruthaDiva
I mean............. LOVE, love?
Not no little year 7 crush, hidin' your face so
SHE
dont see you blush type of love.
I'm talkin' bout LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUVE
the type to knock you out cold in broad daylight
the type that sometimes makes you want to FIGHT
cause the bite can get too bitter
making you litter your thoughts with crap you NEVER EVER would have
bought if it was being sold.
bold love, leaving you naked, wishing your mind can FAKE IT
cause in the end you know your little old heart won't be able to TAKE IT
type of love....
Well,
This girl...this woman....chick, whateva you wanna call her
Anyway,
this......woman, this...stupid girl had me.
I mean,
this girl...I loved her like I love music,
loved her like I love breathin',
like I love breakfast.
Like breakfast, man!! Fucking eatin'!!!
and, as sure as my heart was beatin'.......it felt, right.
I'd close my eyes and still see bright lights,
No lie. When thinking of us, I'd picture grandkids.
yes....Grandkids!!
In my mind, we were like twin trains on the same track, heading towards
each other at tremendous speed, destined for collison.
I envisioned a crash.
A crash with a blast intense enough to split the fuckin' sun in half.
Sparks would fly, and we would lie in the aftermath,
her I and she me, we'd...........damn. We'd be.........happy.
But,
the tracks.....somehow they didn't connect
Maybe my wiring was faulty,
But, I gave my all, you can't fault me,
if not me.......... then where should fault be???
Then I thought,
Love probably played a trick
Wanted to see what good old BruthaDiva would do when things got thick.
And....honestly, I PANICKED
My thoughts, my actions, MANIC.
I didnt know what to do,
and at night, her shadow GREW. Taunting me with mirages, massauges,
and the PAIN.......actually I don't really wanna talk about the pain.
This stupid chick, though.
I....I really, honestly still think that we could....
Actually, it's not even could, it's kind of more like should....
This love shit, man, it's funny.
Its like a fuckin' disease, one that stays forever...without a cure
Am I bitter? Yes and No.
I mean, I still love her flow
but......I don't know where to go from here.
It aint like breakfast no more, but with time it could be,
and again, it...it really seems like it almost SHOULD be.
Damn.......Love is love, for real. It aint nothing else.
I'm a ask ya'll again, and be real this time........
Have you ever been in love?
- BruthaDiva
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
I'm Back!
WOW! I never realised actually how dependant I am on my laptop, those few weeks felt like a lifetime. Thank God exams are over, now the fun can begin.
1st > That guy didn't call me. In fact I didn't hear a word from him at all, a day before the date, on the date and after. The cheek! I already told you guys I wasn't as excited as I wanted to be so honestly it didn't shock me. It just baffled me I guess. I mean why would this guy volunteer up a day for us to go out but then not call. But hey whatever, old news. He called me like a week or two after, oh yeah, I do believe I let that phone ring. NEXT !!
2nd > Been talking to this guy I met in a bar, handsome and everything but I'm just not feeling him like that, I mean its like talking to my friend who lives down the road from me, all just general conversation. I'm just not connected to him. But maybe I'm not concerned about him 'cos he looks like a cross between my ex and some other guy I knew in college. Basically they all just kinda look alike. Puts me off in a way. BUT ANYWHOOOO....
3rd > Im FINALLY getting back into sync with my world. You ever feel ugly, fat, too skinny, unpopular, well that was me for the past two weeks. Just not feeling happy about myself at all and that's not me. I mean I'm not the prettiest (model type), I'm not the richest (even though I claim that for my future) and on a positive note Mother Africa has generously endowed me with a boo-tay that doesn't suit my slender figure so you'd expect a girl like me to feel content. But that wasn't the case, there was no real reason for me to be in a funk like that. But hey it's all good. I'm back in sync. I don't know why I felt like that, I'm just happy I'm back to normal now. Well, not so 'normal' but you know what I mean.
As for me and my quests, boi.... we'll just see where life takes me. I'm gonna be in LEEDS for a while, let's see what happens......
1st > That guy didn't call me. In fact I didn't hear a word from him at all, a day before the date, on the date and after. The cheek! I already told you guys I wasn't as excited as I wanted to be so honestly it didn't shock me. It just baffled me I guess. I mean why would this guy volunteer up a day for us to go out but then not call. But hey whatever, old news. He called me like a week or two after, oh yeah, I do believe I let that phone ring. NEXT !!
2nd > Been talking to this guy I met in a bar, handsome and everything but I'm just not feeling him like that, I mean its like talking to my friend who lives down the road from me, all just general conversation. I'm just not connected to him. But maybe I'm not concerned about him 'cos he looks like a cross between my ex and some other guy I knew in college. Basically they all just kinda look alike. Puts me off in a way. BUT ANYWHOOOO....
3rd > Im FINALLY getting back into sync with my world. You ever feel ugly, fat, too skinny, unpopular, well that was me for the past two weeks. Just not feeling happy about myself at all and that's not me. I mean I'm not the prettiest (model type), I'm not the richest (even though I claim that for my future) and on a positive note Mother Africa has generously endowed me with a boo-tay that doesn't suit my slender figure so you'd expect a girl like me to feel content. But that wasn't the case, there was no real reason for me to be in a funk like that. But hey it's all good. I'm back in sync. I don't know why I felt like that, I'm just happy I'm back to normal now. Well, not so 'normal' but you know what I mean.
As for me and my quests, boi.... we'll just see where life takes me. I'm gonna be in LEEDS for a while, let's see what happens......
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
BruthaDiva Sessions...
We've all been there. You're out, and you see somebody who catches your eye for whatever reason. Maybe its their eyes. Or maybe it's their hair. Or maybe they just have that "thing" that Lauryn Hill was talking about that.
Whatever it is, you become helpless to your impulses and your forced to just go over and speak. Everything is going well. Your "hello" was well received and a purposeful conversation was begun.
And then...
...that idiot says the dumbest thing you've ever heard in your life. Yes, in just a few short minutes, it is possible to meet somebody who goes from being hot to trot, to well...not.
Im sure its happening right now as you read this.
And yes, it can happen to you. So being the fly butha i am, I feel the best way to prevent this problem is to offer a few situations that can make you less than hot to the opposite sex in 10 minutes or less.
1. Come off like you are a egotistical little shit.
Have you ever meet somebody and they made it seem like you were lucky to even get the opportunity to do so? (I know alot of you are nodding your heads). I know a woman who assumes that anytime a man speaks to her, he is trying to spit lyrics. ANYTIME. What I find funny about it is that she's not attractive...in the first place. So she will blast nearly any man who even offers her so much as a compliment and assume that he is just spitting more lyrics than Twista.
Word to the wise, self-esteem is really important. What's also important is realizing that if you have an 8 body and a 5 face, you are a 6.
2. Have breath that is Hotter than a summer in West Africa
Yes, halitosis is a real thing. I'm not even sure there needs to be an explanation here. Let's just say, if nobody wants to talk to you and you look like Halle Berry, either you have a sign on your forehad that says "SARS lives here" or you're breath is beyond reproach.
3. Just being plain...dumb.
I don't know about you, but I HATE dumb chicks. With the passion of Mel Gibson. I know some people who like dumb chicks because they are easy but that to me its the ultimate turnoff. If I see a fine woman who gets so excited because she just discovered that there are pens that if you push the button, the ball point comes out...well, she will become very unattractive quickly to me. Dumb girls cannot be fine. It is mentally impossible for me to find dumb women attractive. I would assume that women would feel the same about men.
4. The Standards
What are the standards? You know, blatant things like picking your nose, farting, or any of the other bodily functions one should reserve for private time. I know a chick who will burp, and then tell you about it. Needless to say, not very attractive.
5. Being clumsy
You know, nothing is worse than being the embodiment of this statement: oh, he's fine, but...
Or. Bruv, she's fine but...
Anytime you have a but... attached, you just aren't ranking high enough. And just being really clumsy from jump will do it unfortunately. If you spill my drink on me I'm going to not only wonder how in the hell you made that happen seeing as it was my drink, but i'm gonna be pissed. It's hard to see attractiveness when pissedness (i know its not a real word) comes into force.
Unless you're just that fine where it doesn't matter. Which is possible. Trust me.
6. Wear more makeup than that clown from the simpsons.
Maybe this is just a personal thing. I don't mind makeup. But I do mind additional faces created by too much makeup. And maybe I couldn't tell that from afar. Upon closer inspection, you can become very unattractive if I'm not sure if your face really belongs to you or not. Nothing is scarier than possibly waking up next to a Gremlin.
7. Have the ugliest walk known to man.
This an entire other post, but an ugly walk, will totally fuck up your attractiveness. If you walk like you never quite learned how to do it, well, you're gonna be busted. Like I said, that's another post.
These are but a few ways to become unfly in 10 minutes or less. Don't let it be you.
Unless of course you're already busted in which case, it doesn't matter and you can proceed as normal.
- BruthaDiva
Whatever it is, you become helpless to your impulses and your forced to just go over and speak. Everything is going well. Your "hello" was well received and a purposeful conversation was begun.
And then...
...that idiot says the dumbest thing you've ever heard in your life. Yes, in just a few short minutes, it is possible to meet somebody who goes from being hot to trot, to well...not.
Im sure its happening right now as you read this.
And yes, it can happen to you. So being the fly butha i am, I feel the best way to prevent this problem is to offer a few situations that can make you less than hot to the opposite sex in 10 minutes or less.
1. Come off like you are a egotistical little shit.
Have you ever meet somebody and they made it seem like you were lucky to even get the opportunity to do so? (I know alot of you are nodding your heads). I know a woman who assumes that anytime a man speaks to her, he is trying to spit lyrics. ANYTIME. What I find funny about it is that she's not attractive...in the first place. So she will blast nearly any man who even offers her so much as a compliment and assume that he is just spitting more lyrics than Twista.
Word to the wise, self-esteem is really important. What's also important is realizing that if you have an 8 body and a 5 face, you are a 6.
2. Have breath that is Hotter than a summer in West Africa
Yes, halitosis is a real thing. I'm not even sure there needs to be an explanation here. Let's just say, if nobody wants to talk to you and you look like Halle Berry, either you have a sign on your forehad that says "SARS lives here" or you're breath is beyond reproach.
3. Just being plain...dumb.
I don't know about you, but I HATE dumb chicks. With the passion of Mel Gibson. I know some people who like dumb chicks because they are easy but that to me its the ultimate turnoff. If I see a fine woman who gets so excited because she just discovered that there are pens that if you push the button, the ball point comes out...well, she will become very unattractive quickly to me. Dumb girls cannot be fine. It is mentally impossible for me to find dumb women attractive. I would assume that women would feel the same about men.
4. The Standards
What are the standards? You know, blatant things like picking your nose, farting, or any of the other bodily functions one should reserve for private time. I know a chick who will burp, and then tell you about it. Needless to say, not very attractive.
5. Being clumsy
You know, nothing is worse than being the embodiment of this statement: oh, he's fine, but...
Or. Bruv, she's fine but...
Anytime you have a but... attached, you just aren't ranking high enough. And just being really clumsy from jump will do it unfortunately. If you spill my drink on me I'm going to not only wonder how in the hell you made that happen seeing as it was my drink, but i'm gonna be pissed. It's hard to see attractiveness when pissedness (i know its not a real word) comes into force.
Unless you're just that fine where it doesn't matter. Which is possible. Trust me.
6. Wear more makeup than that clown from the simpsons.
Maybe this is just a personal thing. I don't mind makeup. But I do mind additional faces created by too much makeup. And maybe I couldn't tell that from afar. Upon closer inspection, you can become very unattractive if I'm not sure if your face really belongs to you or not. Nothing is scarier than possibly waking up next to a Gremlin.
7. Have the ugliest walk known to man.
This an entire other post, but an ugly walk, will totally fuck up your attractiveness. If you walk like you never quite learned how to do it, well, you're gonna be busted. Like I said, that's another post.
These are but a few ways to become unfly in 10 minutes or less. Don't let it be you.
Unless of course you're already busted in which case, it doesn't matter and you can proceed as normal.
- BruthaDiva
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