Reminisce...

Have you ever reminisced on all the guys that you used to like back in your young days. Ever wondered what could’ve happened between you and that cute guy/girl that lived on your road, or ever wondered whether you and that good looking guy would’ve still been together if it hadn’t been that he cheated on you with your best friend. OK….. That’s a Jerry Springer moment right there…..but you get my drift. I just couldn’t help myself thinking about all the guys that I liked in my past………and the funny thing is that I remember all their names. Every single one………even if I only liked them for a week. Going in order from my 1st crush to now, I could probably go through the alphabet and name at least one guy that I’ve liked.


But have you ever thought about those people and wondered what kind of relationship you could’ve had with that person. There are some days I wish I bumped into them and could just see how they had turned out……….I do see some of them now actually and can only laugh on how easily I could fall in ‘like’ with someone. Lol. I’m laughing now because during my last year at college I became a serial ‘liker’, I think I must’ve liked nearly every guy in my year at least once, and not only them but guys at church, guys that I knew from my past, guys that lived in my area, a real random selection. My love life has been very amusing, amusing because there hasn’t been any love in those equations at all. No love whatsoever. And as much as I would like to have experienced love in my past, I haven’t, and as much as I would like to be ‘in love’ now, I have to be very truthful with myself, I’m just not ready.

As pathetic an excuse that may seem to you…..I feel that at this moment ‘I’m just not ready’ is the best way to describe how I feel about relationships. I’m just not ready. Basically, words can’t explain how I feel exactly but all I know is that when I’m ready to be in a relationship I will know. I’ve taken too many chances, too many stabs in the dark at trying to find out whether I can commit or not. Frankly, right now I can’t commit. Simply because I feel that commitment from me is too much to ask.

Commitment means responsibility – something that takes up time or energy, especially an obligation. And it can also mean devotion or dedication, for example to a cause, person or relationship. I just don’t think I can owe a person a certain amount of responsibility right now, I just can’t. I want to one day, don’t ever get it twisted. Being able to have someone else that relies on you, like you’re their own self, their own body, that’s something special. And I feel that in my future I’ll be able to do that, but as for now. Cant do it, sorry.

- Gabrielle