A Sucker For Love

Todays blog is discussing a query of mine that i'm hoping you can help a sista out on! So leave your opinion in the comments section.
Right...where do I start....ok, my first... love?? a.k.a the cause of my heart break a.k.a Mr Smalls because if I remember right he was anything but!!
Hmm...even thinking about him still makes me smile...sort of (and before you say it YES SistaLova is a sucker for love, hence the name). Anyway the best way to describe the relationship I had with Mr Small it would be a pleasing kind of sickness if such a thing exists. I mean to say when you've experienced an exciting and eventful moment in your life your sad to see it end but still grateful that it happened. when I first met Mr Small, it was far from a perfect impression.
Now, most girls will not admit this but I will. When I see a guy the first things I look for are physical attraction and a suitable dress sense, not if he has a good personality!! Dont get me wrong that is very important, but you cant see good personality (I mean if I could, I would be able to see that he was a self- righteous and abusive twat!).

*May I just say that looking at a person's appearance and creating a first impression does not make me materialistic...it makes me honest!*

Anyway where was I....right, my first encounter with Mr Small. Its not that he was'nt attractive, he just rubbed me up the wrong way, at first I thought he was joke. I mean he thought soo much of himself, as if he was a gift sent straight from the heavens to bless the opposite sex!....pls!
But somehow he managed to convinced me that this was the case and that I should appreciate his interest in me. I was young and naive at the start of our relationship and I have said before I did'nt truly love or respect myself. Looking back the whole thing was like an episode of Eastenders.....alot of drama!
Now the thing that caused me confusion was that at the beginning and even towards the end him and I would be sooo happy and throughout this I found myself becoming more emotionally dependant on him, which was stupid of me because he never really seemed interested in what emotions I was feeling to begin with! but other times it was as if he was a completely different person.
Those closest to me could see how unhappy I was becoming, but to everyone else I gave this pretense of happiness and "being in love", which I was....at first!
Even when I found out about the other girls... (Yes there were other women), I believed in his lies and felt only he could love me I still stayed with him. This is funny because before him, I used to think girls who stayed with their "wrong" men were stupid and if they were willing to accept such behaviour they deserved it.....then here I was doing the same thing!
After that experience it would be easy to say I hated him and all men. But I refused to allow it to stop any possible "true" love from entering my life and it also taught me alot about myself.
I may of mentioned this before, but recently I bumped into Mr Small and said a few words...he apoligised for his previous lack of respect for me and claimed he "always loved me". Now, I am passed the point of ever wanting a relationship with him again.... but my question is
Can a person ever really change?

-SistaLova